Archive for 2011

One Man’s Poison Is Another Man’s Major Good Time

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

Jim has been seeing “Dr. Doug” the psychiatrist off and on for years. My brother is very emotional and rides the waves of his life in giant dips and upswings. As Dr. Doug tells Jim, “Our goal is not to eliminate your personality, but to make the waves and dips more gentle.”

Jim and I are sitting in Dr. Doug’s office early in the evening. Jim can’t sleep because of his sudden divorce and a near bankrupt business. He needs a Magic Pill.

I am very supportive of my brother. Since he has asked me to be here with him tonight, I am.

Dr. Doug is very professional as he shuffles important papers, reads previous notes he’s written in binders and all while writing down everything that Jim says.  The doctor talks about this drug and that drug and says that every drug he has tried on Jim doesn’t work. He tells me that Jim is sensitive to chemicals and that they have odd side effects with him.

“So,” he says, ” I have one we’re going to try on Jim that is very benign. Very benign.”

He leans forward in his tasteful brown chair. The chair has little shiny wheels that squeak like tiny mice.

The doctor is a handsome man. He is also very bright and likable. He wears no wedding ring. (more…)

“The Worst Party I Ever Went To”

Wednesday, December 21st, 2011

The old father-in-law is sobbing in a tiny hall bathroom in a relative’s house. With him are his very old wife and their grown up son.

The rest of the family continues to sit around the Christmas table looking confused.

Too much “Merry Water” and the grandfather makes what he thinks is a kind remark about another grandfather who is dead.

This sets off a furor between the son-in-laws who verbally attack the old man about the dead man’s character.

Bad goes to worse and the old guy starts crying and retreats to the bathroom.

Merry Christmas!

That was last year’s holiday party.

This year it’s another doozer.

I decide we siblings need closure after our mother’s death a year ago.

After two times of trying and having interlopers show up and ruin the gathering, a new date is finally set. Just my siblings and I will meet at my house along with our Great Aunt Ruby, the last of the oldest relatives. Nobody else is invited.

We will vent and air our feelings about our mother’s long and difficult dying from cancer. We will sort through all the un-resolved “PTSD” some of us feel we have acquired, the “loss of faith” and “fear of dying Mom’s way” that some of us have said we are feeling.

This is my plan.

We need to do this I believe, in order to either dump or pick up our worn emotional luggage and clatter on. (more…)

Why? Why, Why, Why!!?

Wednesday, December 14th, 2011
I’m thinking about crows as I lie in the road. It’s very quiet except for me sobbing and whining “Why, why, why?”

I look up at the bland blue sky. A few large black crows are watching me from the gently swinging telephone lines.I’m also thinking how today seemed to be a good day. The perfect day to take a little walk. Of course, I had found a dead ant in my nose when I woke up, but odd things happen. Overall things are getting better for me.

With rest and good nutrition my ‘bad’ ankle is feeling better. Today, I am finally feeling that I can take a walk down the road to look at the black walnut trees that line it. The nuts are ripe and the big, scruffy crows are wondering why I haven’t been down for awhile to gather and toss the walnuts into the street.  The crows wait for the cars to come by and squash the shells, leaving mashed nuts for them to eat.

A few minutes ago, as I started my happy walk, before I have landed on the pavement, here’s a tiny pebble on the asphalt road but I don’t see it. The sole of my right shoe hits it, my foot rolls over, I hear a snap and I hit the pavement hard, bam!  I’m on my left side flat out. This has all taken a second, if that. My jeans are ripped, my elbow hurts and is bleeding along with my palm, knee and left ankle. But my right ankle is screaming with pain.

“Oh noooo,” I’m wailing. “That was my good ankle! Why my good ankle? Why, why, why?”
I lie in the street and sob. (more…)


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