Archive for 2012

Welcome To Phobia Land

Wednesday, August 22nd, 2012


Phobia Flowers That Live In Phobia Land

I live in Phobia Land.

My family is riddled with phobias.

Right now my 6 year old grandson Loch has what his mother calls The Morbid Blood Phobia and he also changes his under pants and his long pants 4-5 times a day. If he gets even a tiny bit of pee on them he becomes frantically unsettled (hysterical) and has to remove his clothes and start over.

Today was Loch’s first day in the first grade. His mother tells me he had a Big Melt Down and Stubborn Fit before she finally got him there.

God knows what will happen when he gets a little pee on his pants at school. At home he whips off his under and top pants and runs around naked until we insist he put some pants on. This will be more then interesting if he shakes off all his pants at school.

Looking into the future, I hear a phone call from the principal. (more…)

Electric Johnny

Wednesday, August 15th, 2012


Johnny’s House

Johnny wears his hair in a long brown braid down his back. It touches his butt. One time, when he didn’t have a girlfriend to do it, he had me brush and braid his hair for him.

I have known Johnny since we were little, tiny kids. He is brilliant, unusual, kind of a hippy man and certainly a non conformist. He married for the first time a few years ago and now has his first child.

I’m at his house today which is on acres of land, hidden from view.

Outside and looking up to the sky, I gasp. Oh my gosh! Johnny’s house sits nestled in the crook of a tall, sturdy row of power poles with thick ropey hanging wires.

“Johnny!” I shout. “Have these always been here!?”

Johnny looks up casually. “Yep.”

“You live with these things?” I am aghast. “Why do you have all these wires and poles running right over your house and over your pool and …and, live here!”

“Ummmm?” Johnny says. “They’ve been here since I was a little kid. They’ve never bothered us.”

My brain does a turn inside my head. “They have never bothered him or his family?” (more…)

The Boy With The Dangling Tooth

Wednesday, August 8th, 2012

“The Boy With The Dangling Tooth”

“Loch has a morbid fear of blood!” my daughter says.

My grandson has a dangling front tooth, empty on either side. He won’t twist it or work it. He is afraid it will bleed, so he lets it hang. It’s been hanging for weeks, now.

Loch is 6 years old. He and his 9 year old sister Lexi are visiting me for 3 days.

Today, as I’m pulling a tee shirt over his head he starts to scream. The tee shirt has yanked on his tooth…and the tooth is bleeding.

Loch is screaming, “Get me a mirror! Get me a mirror!”

In light of his ‘morbid fear of blood,’ I don’t think this is a good idea. Loch runs to the bathroom and grabs a red bath towel off the rod. He jams it against his tooth and runs into the ‘kid’s room’ that has a wall of mirrored closets.

He drops the bath towel from his mouth and takes a look. A great wail arises.

There is BLOOD on The Tooth!

Loch drops to the floor in front of the mirror moaning, with the towel again covering his face. (more…)

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