I’m at a buffet bar and there is a very startled man looking at me with a shocked expression on his face. He can’t take his eyes off me.
This is happening a number of years ago when I lived at the coast in the Land Of Surfers and Hot Babes.
I am at a ‘Networking Meet and Greet’ and I am wearing a sticky name tag that says, ‘Venus’.
The woman who runs these meetings always brings her brown pet ferret with her, draped around her neck like a mink.
She and others who are here to network and find new business, are lined around the salad and food bar, smiling winningly and scooping up pre-fab morsels of food.
There is a good looking young man across the salad from me that I have not seen before. His name tag says, ‘Peter.’
I am feeling especially bright and friendly and I call out to him, “Hello! You must be Penis!’
Oh my god. Why did the name ‘Peter’ come out as ‘Penis’!?
This is why a very startled Mr. Penis is now staring at me with a shocked expression. This is why he can’t take his eyes off me.
This is why everyone is looking at me.
I am mortified.
I am frozen in place, my eyes locked with his.
“Penis?” he says.
“I mean, I mean, Peter! I don’t know how I got so mixed up. I am so sorry.”
I start laughing. I can’t help it. This is a ridiculous situation. Here is this hugely handsome, dark-haired man and I have just called him Penis!
Mr. P comes over to my side of the buffet. He walks quickly, stands beside me and looks at me. He is very friendly. He can’t stop looking at me and smiling. In fact, he is grinning all over.
“Well,” I stammer, “my name is Venus and when I saw your name ‘Peter’ some how I got it mixed up and called you Penis because I got the ‘P’ from Peter put on Venus. Don’t you think?”
It’s only many years later as I type this that I realize that in my mind, a penis is often called a peter and it was easy to get the ‘P’ somehow on my name Venus. Very meaningful, I am sure, but at the time it didn’t make this kind of sense.
What came from this friendly greeting to a strange man was a years long relationship of sorts. The man who hadn’t noticed me at all had been forced to look at me. Any unknown woman who gaily called him ‘Penis’ must be some unusual woman and someone he wanted to know!
It turned out he was a well known, highly respected man, in his 30’s, who was famous for doing Major Good Works, but who also lived with an older, wealthy woman who traveled.
Despite his pleas, because of his woman friend, I never took up with him in a fleshy way, but we had many lunches and dinners and wine in extravagant resturants by the ocean. He adored me for many years, having never..ever…met anyone like me, as he often said.
I sometimes wonder where Mr. Penis is now. I think fondly of our many times together and it was all because I called out a friendly greeting to a stranger!
Which brings me to a few days ago at an early evening Wine Party at a beautiful place in Ramona’s wine country.
Two of my women friends and I are sipping wine and eating cheese and breads and crackers. We have been sitting outside at a table, listening to an all girl Irish band, and blessing ourselves for our good fortune to be at such a lovely place.
One of my friends and I get up from the table and go for some more wine. When we enter the wine room, there are a number of people settled at several tables. We don’t know them.
“I know that lady!” I tell my friend, Susan. “I met her a few weeks ago at a new metaphysical store in town. She told me she reads cards and that she’s known me for many years. I couldn’t remember her, but she reminded me of all the times we’ve intersected. I have to go and say ‘Hello!'”
Leaving Susan at a gentle run, I rush to the woman who is seated at a table with maybe ten other people.
“Hello!” I shout. “Gee, it’s great to see you, again! How are you?”
The woman gets up. She looks at me and says, “Oh, it’s great to see you, too.”
There is a pause and then she says, “I don’t know you.”
Oh my gosh. It turns out she’s right. I don’t know this woman. I have never seen her, ever. She doesn’t even live in my town.
We get a big laugh over it and I creep back to join Susan in the wine line.
Through out the rest of this eveining, the woman and her husband come by and visit me where I’m sitting, wave great big hand flapping waves when they see me walking around, call out greetings and are very jolly with me. Apparently, I have a new best friend.
It’s simple. If you want to meet someone, either say something outrageous but sweet, or just pretend you know the person! It works like the proverbial charm.
Try it. Let me know who you meet and how it works out for you, would ‘ya?
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