ADVICE FROM MY MOTHER

It’s a bright, balmy day and I’ve driven my mother up into the high mountains to have a Belated Mother’s Day Lunch.

We’re in a pleasant, sunny, crowded restaurant, sitting at a table, waiting for our meal, when my mother remarks; quite loudly because she can’t hear very well…..

“You know how back in time, your cousin’s husband (whom we shall leave nameless!) was contacted by that young man who said he was his son?”

“Yeah?”

“And how surprised he was to find that he had a child he didn’t know he had?”

“Yeah?”

“And it was true, the young man was his son….But, for awhile he and his old friend Johnny thought it might be Johnny’s son because they had both had a fling with the same girl at the same time?”

“Yeah?”

“And, the son came out to meet his father and and his teen-age half-sisters but it didn’t work out because the boy fell in love with one of his sisters? Remember?”

“Yeah?”

“And his father said, ‘This won’t work. You’ll have to leave! This is your sister!’ And, everybody was upset? Especially the sister? Because she thought she was gaining a brother but he wasn’t acting like the brother she wanted?”

“Yeah?”

And, your brother Jim went back-packing across Europe when he was young and he says he could have a child somewhere in Germany, you know. He thinks it’s possible, but he can’t find out?”

“Yeah?”

“Well,” my mother says, (now that we have the entire restaurant shushed and fascinated by her shouted conversation,) “well, you know Venus….you have to be careful where you lay your eggs!”

Amen.
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