Mysteries in Life

Old Ladies Sex Lives

Wednesday, January 9th, 2013

Lexi’s Hairdresser Shirley, Both Daydreaming Perhaps?

Shirley is in her 80’s and I have known her for awhile. Today, I’ve taken Lexi to her shop to get a haircut.

‘How are you and the new boyfriend?’ I ask.

I’m remembering when I last saw her, maybe 6 months ago, when she was rhapsodizing over a man she had met on the golf course.

‘Oh, he’s gone!” she says, with a hint of distain.

“I have a new one.’

The former man, she says, was cheap. He made her pay for her own meals and everything else.

“I wasn’t brought up to be that way with a man.”

I’m trying not to gasp but the air gets stuck in my throat. I choke a bit.

Shirley is widowed and has had a number of boyfriends since I have known her in the past year or two.

“This boyfriend,” Shirley is saying, ” has a beautiful 40 ft motor home, lives in alaska part time, and adores me.”

As she washes the suds out of Lexi’s hair, she looks at me and says, “I’m retiring! I’m closing the shop and traveling with this lovely man and my little dog!”

I’m impressed. I haven’t had a boyfriend for years and Shirley, in her 80’s, with all the massive single female competition, always has one.

My Mother also had boyfriends into her very late 80’s. Actually, right up until the time she died.

There was Hoover, a handsome guy my age, a Basque man who lived on a ranch. In her 80’s, he adored my mother and thought her the most beautiful and sexy woman in existence. (more…)

The Crazy Doctor

Wednesday, December 5th, 2012

A Stand-In For The Crazy Doctor

Finally, I am ready to look really stupid and tell you this particular story about My True Life.

A few years ago I found a fascinating doctor on the internet. She had amazing testimonials on line, a beautiful photo of herself and she seemed so unique that I just had to hand my body over to her.

Every couple of weeks I would take the long drive to L.A. to see her. It was such a long drive that I had to stay overnight in a cold, quiet hotel with lousy food and lumpy pillows.

My time with the doctor was an odd experience and as you may know, I am enamored of the odd and peculiar.

The woman worked out of a lovely old house in the city. She looked like the bare bones of her photo. Instead of being beautiful and colorful she was pale and homely with a rivetingly un-attractive out-sized butt. (more…)

The Great Cat Potty

Wednesday, November 28th, 2012

Before The Cat Potty

This is my back patio where I first have my Brilliant Idea. Notice the cat door.

 

The Great Cat Potty Begins To Take Shape

This all started when I tried to train my cat Sparkle to use the toilet.

Sparkle Asking To Eat Or Go Outside.. Or Both

This Is Sparkle Telling Me She’d Like To Go Outside, Please

After 2 1/2 months I succeeded in teaching her not to use a cat box OR a toilet and now she will only go outside. This means at night. Often multiple times a night. You can imagine how this is affecting my rest and peace of mind because of all the dangers that lurk in the dark for cats.

And this, of course, is Karl.

Karl In Repose

He too chooses to only go to the bathroom outside. Fortunately, I had a large cat yard built for him, but again, I am up much of the night putting him in and out of it.

 

This Is Just Part Of Karl’s Yard!

Sparkle will not go in this yard. She hates it. She is used to her freedom.

I do not have a photo of Jeronamo and Bill laughing madly and slapping each other as Jeronamo builds The Great Cat Potty. They are already hysterical about the big covered yard I had Jeronamo build for Karl. And they are hysterical about this back patio that I had fenced in so Karl can not get out. The coyotes can get in, of course, as they jump fences. So at night, Karl and Sparkle will need to use the New Very Improved And Brilliant Cat Potty.

Bill says my back patio now looks like Guantanamo.

 

My Back Patio Wired For Karl's Safety

This Is Karl At Guantanamo

And here is the finished Great Cat Potty!

 

Maybe The Cats And I Will Get Some Sleep Tonight

Bill and Jeronamo are still slapping and laughing.

*Please EMAIL this on to your Cat People Friends? We understand each other’s excesses. I need their understanding company.

*Do you know the kind of work I do when I’m not busy building Cat Potties? Look here for details. It’s a great time to have a phone reading with me!   Visit me at www.GodIsAlwaysHappy.com for rates and availability.



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