Odd People I Meet

Searching For An Untroubled Plumber

Thursday, September 12th, 2013

The Sink That Started The Frantic Search

Here’s why I need a plumber.

Bill’s car died and has to be hauled off to a Car Cemetery.

Bill tripped over his feet and fell flat with a thud on the patio. I thought the thud was his head, but it turns out it’s his elbow which is black and blue. He smarts in many places but the good thing is his back was hurting for 3 months and now that pain is gone. We think the fall gave him an adjustment.

The drain in Bill’s kitchen sink is plugged up clear to the back wall and we need a plumber.

So. Now I am Bill’s chauffeur and he has to wash his many dishes in my sink, in my house. However, the body wreckage he’s suffered doesn’t affect me thank goodness, as I have my own.

Our first order is to find a plumber. The car burial can come later.

The plumber I always use is not returning my calls. I believe he has run off. My guts say his wife left him. I am sorry about that, but I can’t fix him and obviously, he’s not emotionally able to drain Bill’s sink and clear the pipes. He may be drunk some where, I don’t know.

Bill gets out the town’s yellow pages and begins the hunt for a good plumber.

As I am his landlordess, I give him instructions.

“Get the Senior Rate. Get a plumber who doesn’t charge to come out and look. Ask me before you choose one as I have lived in this town a long time and know a lot of people.”

Bill doesn’t want my instruction. He curls his lips and gets to work. From the other side of the door I hear him drop the yellow pages and turn to his computer. He’s making calls in his Studio. These darn walls are way too thin.

My brother Jim comes over to nap on my living room couch. (Oh come on now, I haven’t time to explain that one. I’m trying to tell you about looking for a plumber.)

Bill raps on the door between his studio and my house. He comes into my Great Room and says, “Hi Jim. OK. This guy I called will do the drain for $80 and he’s asking questions about the leak in your tub faucet and what else you want done.”

“Who is he?” I ask.

“What does it matter who he is?!”

“I may know him,” I say.

Bill turns and goes into his place and I follow.

“It’s Dan Donovan Plumbing, if you must know,” he says.

“Not him!” I yell.

“Why?”

“I can’t remember why. I just know I have a down feeling about it, some memory in the past.”

Bill snorts.

Then, I notice he’s on the phone.

“Ah..I’ll call you back,” he says and hangs up.

Darn. Why didn’t he tell me he was talking to the man?

“You can always do this yourself you know!” Bill snarls.

He gets all irritated and comes back into my house with the phone book.

Jim shouts from the couch, “Who? Dan Donovan!? He ripped me off! He charged me an extra hundred dollars and then left shit everywhere in my place! ”

“Oh,” Bill says as he turns around and goes back into his studio. (more…)

Positively The Best Way To Meet New Friends & Romantic Prospects

Wednesday, August 14th, 2013

This Is Not Where I Met Mr. Penis. I Did Meet Someone Else Here

I’m at a buffet bar and there is a very startled man looking at me with a shocked expression on his face. He can’t take his eyes off me.

This is happening a number of years ago when I lived at the coast in the Land Of Surfers and Hot Babes.

I am at a ‘Networking Meet and Greet’ and I am wearing a sticky name tag that says, ‘Venus’.

The woman who runs these meetings always brings her brown pet ferret with her, draped around her neck like a mink.

She and others who are here to network and find new business, are lined around the salad and food bar, smiling winningly and scooping up pre-fab morsels of food.

There is a good looking young man across the salad from me that I have not seen before. His name tag says, ‘Peter.’

I am feeling especially bright and friendly and I call out to him, “Hello! You must be Penis!’

Oh my god. Why did the name ‘Peter’ come out as ‘Penis’!? (more…)

‘Thrilling’ Adventures

Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013

Here  are a few of my recent Adventures.

 THE ART SHOW

The Art Party

The Art Show Reception is upstairs, over my brother Art’s Jewelry Store. You can see the tree filled view across the street. We are mingling and sitting at tables and chairs. It’s like being at a Grand Affair In Paris.

Susan Knows How To Have Fun With Local Wines

Everyone thinks Susan is a sister because her hair is like the rest of the family’s. She loves wine like I do, too.. she must be a sister. In this town everyone is related to someone else, so who knows.

Art Party Fly Food

We have only managed to trap the flies inside the net.

 

DARLING DR. CHEN

Darling Dr. Chen

Darling Dr. Chen is my acupuncturist. I call him ‘Darling’ because he tells me if I would dye my hair I would look like I am 40 years old! It’s very important to have a doctor who sees you in a positive light.

 

A FUN TIME NOT HAD BY ALL

Summer And I Get A Body And Foot Rub

My daughter takes me out for a special treat. She is annoyed because her masseuse wears rubber gloves!

“Do you know what it’s like Mom, to have someone rub your head and face with big rubber gloves?!”

 

MY NEW MAINE COON KITTIES

My Mickey

Mickey likes to hang out and relax more than his sister does.

Busy PollyBelle

PollyBelle The Sister is always busy. She wants to study palmistry.

 

THE THRILLING ADVENTURE

Pregnant Goats

And, it’s fun to visit The Chicken Lady Who Lives Up The Steep Mountain That Scares My Grandkids. You can buy eggs here, off the woman’s old sagging porch. You take what you want and put your money in a tin can.

It’s always hard to get the car turned around so you can get back down off the mountain. There is always the chance that the car might drop off the side and hurdle you and the eggs all the way to The Great Beyond. Now there’s a thrill.

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