Screaming Hysterics

Venus Has An Exciting Moment At The Car Wash

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2012

Venus On Her Exciting Day

Summer lives at the coast where everyone is very hip and chicky fine, you know.

Because I’m going there to see my daughter today, I’m wearing a colorful dress with lots of sparkles and design and I even put on my orange shoes.

On my way down the mountain I stop at the car wash. I like to stop at this one because the middle eastern men do the best car washing job.

While my car is being washed and hand dried I sit outside on a blue iron bench and casually watch the men at work.

Eventually, a good looking guy, maybe in his 30’s, lifts his arm and calls out, “Jaguar! Jaguar!”

That’s me.

As I’m handing him my receipt he says, “You have very, very, very, very, beautiful…” (more…)

My Enema Adventure

Wednesday, September 19th, 2012

“If I Were A Dragon Fly..I Would Bite These People..And Go Home!”

Will this New Adventure be as messy as my Enema Adventure or The Emergency Hospital Adventure In Palm Springs?

As you’re reading this, I am having another Adventure. This time I’m in Napa with grammar school friends, (hopefully) enjoying a Wine Drinking Vacation.

After last year’s incident my 6 women friends strictly warned me that I must promise I would do nothing odd or eccentric, ever again, 2 months before our yearly trip together. They know how I am.

Too bad they missed out on my Enema Vacation.  (more…)

The Boy With The Dangling Tooth

Wednesday, August 8th, 2012

“The Boy With The Dangling Tooth”

“Loch has a morbid fear of blood!” my daughter says.

My grandson has a dangling front tooth, empty on either side. He won’t twist it or work it. He is afraid it will bleed, so he lets it hang. It’s been hanging for weeks, now.

Loch is 6 years old. He and his 9 year old sister Lexi are visiting me for 3 days.

Today, as I’m pulling a tee shirt over his head he starts to scream. The tee shirt has yanked on his tooth…and the tooth is bleeding.

Loch is screaming, “Get me a mirror! Get me a mirror!”

In light of his ‘morbid fear of blood,’ I don’t think this is a good idea. Loch runs to the bathroom and grabs a red bath towel off the rod. He jams it against his tooth and runs into the ‘kid’s room’ that has a wall of mirrored closets.

He drops the bath towel from his mouth and takes a look. A great wail arises.

There is BLOOD on The Tooth!

Loch drops to the floor in front of the mirror moaning, with the towel again covering his face. (more…)


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