Screaming Hysterics

Sudden Luck… And The Rat Shit Morning

Tuesday, July 24th, 2012

The End Of The 3rd St Grill!!

My brother Jim has a germ phobia. He’s reminding me how when he was a teenager he was at his friend Roger’s house. Roger’s dad, an old cowboy, was fixing breakfast for the kids.

“He was whipping up pancake batter, ” Jim tells me, “in a great big bowl. He’d tossed in the flour and eggs and oil and I was watching him with that big blue bowl under his arm, slapping the hell out of that batter with a wooden spoon.

“Roger and I were really hungry. And, you remember Mr. Payne, he was a Real Cowboy and he was tough. He was so tough he scared me.”

Jim and I are sitting at my kitchen counter and at this point in the story he puts his head on the granite. He almost sounds like he’s going to cry.

I know the story and I know he might cry for sure.

Every once in awhile Jim trots out this tale of The Terrible Morning With Mr. Payne, The Cowboy. He has never gotten over it.

“So,” Jim continues, ” he plunks the bowl down on the table where Roger and I are sitting and says, “Looks good boys! How many do you want Jim? How ’bout I make you twelve of these here flapjacks.”

“Well, ‘great,’ I say, ‘I’m starving.’

“Then I take a look into the bowl.”

Jim’s voice rises. “I see lots of little black specks. Wow, what is that? Pepper. I lean over and look closer. Shit! (more…)

Eeeh Gads! Mother Takes Us To Town

Wednesday, July 11th, 2012

“Watch Out For Mother!”
http://www.artmojos.com

Today I am thinking of my childhood mother which is of course the same woman who now sits silently in my house in her fancy box on my glass table.

I am remembering how one day Mom piles all 6 of us little kids into our 1950’s station wagon and we drive to the Cash Grocery Store to shop.

When we are finished, we all scramble back into the car and Mom backs out of the parking spot. But, something unusual happens.

There is a loud ripping, clunking, banging sound as the car lifts off the ground and up into the air, pauses then smacks itself down on the ground, again with a BAM!

As usual, Mother notices nothing. She keeps backing out, turns the nose of the car to the street and ambles it out onto the road.

I’m screaming, ‘Mommy, Mommy, you ran over something big!’ (more…)

My Mother Is Missing!

Wednesday, July 4th, 2012

“My Mother At 88 Years Old” 2010

“My mother is missing!”

I’m turning in circles.

Bill opens the door from his studio and asks why I’m screaming.

When I tell him “My Mother is Missing!” he says, “Well, I think she will be OK.”

I’m imagining I tell someone I don’t know, that “My mother is missing!”

“Oh my God, your mother is missing?” they might say.

“It’s not so bad, she’s dead already,” I would answer. (more…)


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