SEPTEMBER 12TH, WEDNESDAY, 2007 “HOW TO BE LUCKY ALL THE TIME”

“I’m so lucky!”
Whenever I say this, some people who know me look at some of the things that happen in my life, pull their chins into their necks and say, “…..You are?”

Yes. I am. Last weekend, on the Holiday, my air conditioning system malfunctioned and brought my hall ceiling down, along with massive amounts of fetid water, jagged boards, foul smelling insulation, rusty pipes and old, filthy soaking wet drywall.

After recovering from the shock and gradually adjusting to the 111 degree heat in my little town, I’ve realized, ‘I’m lucky!’

I’m lucky because I’m remodeling my house and thank goodness I had this Big Collapse, now, before all the new paint, flooring and wall paper was put in and up. And, I’m lucky because now I might as well get an entirely new heating and air conditioning system put in. It’s the perfect time. Because of the age and disgusting appearance of the insulation, I had it all ripped out under the roof of the house.

Before my contractor, Chuckie, puts the beautiful, clean, thick new stuff in, it will be so much easier to have a new a/c/heating system installed; one that will be cheaper to run and more efficient; one that will really heat instead of blowing cold air, and really cool, instead of blowing warm air. And, it’s the perfect time to add an anti-allergy, mold and bacterial system that I need.
I have nearly constant sinus and sinus infections and getting a clean, new system may bring me better health.
And, whoopee, all this wouldn’t have happened for me if the ceiling hadn’t fallen down.

Another lucky thing is that I found termites last week in my dining area. What is so perfect is that I’d already asked Chuckie to pull out the wooden booths that I had built into the wall and around my table seventeen years ago, because I now plan to turn that space into a sunny sitting area.

The termite man was just here and said since he can’t reach and kill the termites in that area without tenting the house-for 2 1/2 days!-I felt lucky and chirped, “Oh! Chuckie can pull those booths out for you and some of the drywall and you can get right at those termites, don’t you think?”

Termite Man looked at me and said, “Lady, you are really lucky! If he can do that, you and your animals won’t have to move out for 2 1/2 days and your construction won’t have to stop.”
…………..

Do you see how lucky I am? I’m not a Pollyanna, I really believe I’m lucky. I’m lucky and I’m also looking for luck. You can look for luck, too.

Last week, I ripped out the front bumper on my car. It’s hanging by a thread. My car is a Jaguar which means it’s $1,000 or more, to replace the bumper.

But…Lucky Me….

I take the car up to ‘Dr. Dan The Car Man,’ a handsome doll of a man who’s pretty much high on crystal meth all the time so he gets the job done really fast. And, he’s honest and good at what he does.

I show him my bumper and say, ” So, can you maybe just hitch it up and pin it somehow so it won’t drop off in traffic? I have a house to pay for.”

He says, “You’re real lucky, Venus. You did rip it in half, but I can patch it and when I screw it up on the side here it won’t show. These Jags have a reputation for the front bumpers catching up on everything and ripping off.”

“Yes,” I say, “and aren’t I lucky it took me 7 years to rip mine off? Most people rip their Jag bumpers off right away!”

Dr. Dan and I agree that I am One Lucky Woman.

Then, I say, “Well, I called my mother to come and pick me up so I’ll just wait for her under this tree. She should be here any minute.”

“My god!” Dr. Dan shouts, “She’s 85 years old and she’s still driving?!”

I know what he’s referring to. The last time she picked me up from Dr. Dan’s, she was driving deaf and practically blind with cataracts, as I soon discovered. I had the most terrifying car ride home that I have ever had.

“We got all that fixed,” I tell Dr. Dan. “She can see and hear now.”

Before that very strange and frightening car ride, she hadn’t mentioned to any of us ‘kids’ that she was deaf and blind.

“Geemeniminy!” Dr. Dan says. “I remember she almost ran over those 2 bicyclists when she pulled out of the drive way here!”

“That was just the start of it,” I say. “Boy, it was really lucky she didn’t kill them and we ‘kids’ were sure lucky I took that car ride with her and discovered she was deaf and blind!”

I wave good-bye to Dr. Dan and walk to the shade of the big china berry tree to wait for my mother.
She should be here by now. It’s only a ten minute ride into town and I called her twenty minutes ago.

I wait and I wait and I wait.

Then, I start to worry. I call her house twice. No answer.

Maybe she’s met with foul play? More likely she’s been murdered on the road by her own errant driving!

Almost an hour goes by. I’m frantic. Where could the woman be? I haven’t heard any sirens.
She does carry a cell phone but she doesn’t know how to use it, so that’s out.

Then, I see her. My white haired, pony-tailed mother wearing her little red sweater, driving her little blue car. She waves at me and swings the car up onto the sidewalk!

“Oh, Mom!” I cry. “I was so worried! Where have you been?”

“I washed my car before I left the house,” she says.

“You what!? Why? You knew I was waiting…”

I give up and drop that logical line of questioning because I suddenly think, ‘I’m really lucky she’s not dead in the road.’

But, you know what? Even though I’m Lucky, I open the driver’s door and shove my mother over into the passenger seat.
I’m driving us home!

Even Lucky People shouldn’t take foolish chances.


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