Posts Tagged ‘ art ’

A Lucky Day In The Mountains

Wednesday, October 17th, 2012

This Is My Friend, Susan

When Susan tells her husband that she and I are going off for a day in the mountains, he tells her to pack her pistol.

I don’t think she will need one, do you?

We’re both artists and this is going to be an Art Day.

We ‘re chugging up into the mountains. We’ve left early because we’re going on the local Mountain Art Guild’s Studio Tour. Our plan is to stop in a little town and pick up a map and tickets. Then we will commence  on our own on a winding drive, stopping at various art studios.

I’m telling Susan I have a feeling we should let this day swing as it will; that I think our patience and plan may be tested.

It is.

We stop at a bead shop where we’ve been told we’ll find the map and tickets. There are no maps and no tickets here. There are 3 enormous dogs and a board outside depicting the cast of The Wizard Of Oz.

We’re told if we will wait awhile, maybe they can find the map we need.

We walk into a red barn that’s adjacent and filled with crafts and tables of apples and jelly. The place has a coffee bar. We each get coffee and sit outside on a sunny porch in little rocking chairs. We gaze at the pines and blue jays. We are charmed.

We meet 4 more dogs.

We wait and we wait.

We pee in a shiny, breezy bathroom.

We think maybe we should forget the self tour and just stay here and visit the wine bar.

But, reason holds. Maps are produced. Never mind that the map is not to scale and particularly worthless.

We’re having an Adventure.

We both pee before we leave.

As we’re finally leaving the barn, a woman with yet another dog trots up to us.

“Oh! You must visit my shop!” she burbles. “This is my pug dog, Pierre. He’s 8 months old and I have just opened my store, I have never had a shop before and I am 68 years old!”

She looks it. (more…)

Is It Luck Or Is It Chocolate?

Monday, May 21st, 2012

The Artist.. Wondering If He Will Be Famous Now Or After Death

Stan, my art teacher, is excited about something. He and my two art friends and I have been meeting and painting together for ten and one half years now. We feel like we’re almost related.

“Listen to this one,” he says as he fingers his little beard with his hand. “I was at a Ggallery  in New Mexico last week and the owner tells me a true story.”

According to Stan, a woman walks in, points at a huge not-very-good painting for $7,500 and says, “I want to buy that one.” Then, she buys a few more and ends up spending $8,500.00.

She asks the owner to have the paintings shipped to her home in Colorado. He says he will, but it will take him three weeks before he can get to it. This is okay with the woman.

Two weeks later the lady emails him and says she needs the paintings at her home in no less than three days. She’s having a big party and the art has to be there.

The gallery owner gulps and says, “I thought we had an understanding about when I can ship them.”

The woman says she must have them in three days. (more…)

“It’s Another Fine Mess You’ve Gotten Us Into, Ollie!”

Tuesday, February 21st, 2012

"It's Another Fine Mess You've Gotten Us Into, Ollie!" http://www.artmojos.com

If you had been with me you wouldn’t have let me do it.

My sister Polly and I have driven down the mountains and are now parked by the cold ocean.

Before we get to the ocean however, we first go into  the heart of the city to an “antiques pre-road show” to have some of Polly’s valuables looked at. She is enthused about the nine foot long Chinese painting in particular. 

While waiting in the hotel for the Asian Experts to see us while Polly tells me about this particular kind of Chinese art.

“An artist” she tells me, “would work on these types of paintings for a year. Look at how tiny and intricate everything is. It was such small work on these types of paintings that artists would go blind from the effort.”

I raise what’s left of my eyebrows.

“Now, if that’s the case,” Polly is saying, “this painting could be worth a fortune.”

Polly and I wait and sit for an hour, with the marvelous painting leaning against some chairs as we fondly gaze at it.

Maybe this means Polly and her husband can retire. Travel. Eat lobster. Buy diamond collars for the cats and little ruby shoes for the granddaughters.

But as we know, most things don’t reach our expectations. So many things disappoint. We sigh.

“It’s a factory reproduction,” the dandy Antiques men in silk suits eventually tell Polly. “It was made in the late forties in Taiwan. It wasn’t done by hand. It’s a photograph.”

“Oh,” I say. “An artist didn’t go blind making this one?”

Polly twitches. “Many years ago I paid $35.00 for it,” she whispers.

“Umm,” says one of the men. “In two generations you could possibly double your money.”

“Oh gee,” Polly says. “About $70.00.”

Polly is very quick with numbers.

Feeling a bit droopy, we leave the hotel, and are now parked by the sea. We have just picked up some fish and chips at a stand. We are trying to settle in some plastic chairs at a table overlooking  the deep harbor water.

This is difficult. An icy wind is blowing the food off the tables and it’s raining big round rain drops that splat in our faces. We think this eating outside thing is a bad idea.

“Let’s eat in your car,” Polly says.

If you had been with me, you wouldn’t have let me do it.

In fact, I think it’s a dumb idea to sit in my new Jaguar, but even dumber to sit in this bad weather and play with getting a raspy, snotty cold.

“Good idea,” I say.

We scoop up our plastic plates full of battered fish and oily french fries. I put the paper cups of white, pickled tarter sauce and red catsup and other sauces on our plates. I balance a bowl of sloppy black beans and cups and spoons and napkins.

We crab walk in the billowing wind to my car.

You would have said right then, ‘This is a really, really dumb idea, Venus.” (more…)


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