Posts Tagged ‘ bill ’

Searching For An Untroubled Plumber

Thursday, September 12th, 2013

The Sink That Started The Frantic Search

Here’s why I need a plumber.

Bill’s car died and has to be hauled off to a Car Cemetery.

Bill tripped over his feet and fell flat with a thud on the patio. I thought the thud was his head, but it turns out it’s his elbow which is black and blue. He smarts in many places but the good thing is his back was hurting for 3 months and now that pain is gone. We think the fall gave him an adjustment.

The drain in Bill’s kitchen sink is plugged up clear to the back wall and we need a plumber.

So. Now I am Bill’s chauffeur and he has to wash his many dishes in my sink, in my house. However, the body wreckage he’s suffered doesn’t affect me thank goodness, as I have my own.

Our first order is to find a plumber. The car burial can come later.

The plumber I always use is not returning my calls. I believe he has run off. My guts say his wife left him. I am sorry about that, but I can’t fix him and obviously, he’s not emotionally able to drain Bill’s sink and clear the pipes. He may be drunk some where, I don’t know.

Bill gets out the town’s yellow pages and begins the hunt for a good plumber.

As I am his landlordess, I give him instructions.

“Get the Senior Rate. Get a plumber who doesn’t charge to come out and look. Ask me before you choose one as I have lived in this town a long time and know a lot of people.”

Bill doesn’t want my instruction. He curls his lips and gets to work. From the other side of the door I hear him drop the yellow pages and turn to his computer. He’s making calls in his Studio. These darn walls are way too thin.

My brother Jim comes over to nap on my living room couch. (Oh come on now, I haven’t time to explain that one. I’m trying to tell you about looking for a plumber.)

Bill raps on the door between his studio and my house. He comes into my Great Room and says, “Hi Jim. OK. This guy I called will do the drain for $80 and he’s asking questions about the leak in your tub faucet and what else you want done.”

“Who is he?” I ask.

“What does it matter who he is?!”

“I may know him,” I say.

Bill turns and goes into his place and I follow.

“It’s Dan Donovan Plumbing, if you must know,” he says.

“Not him!” I yell.


“I can’t remember why. I just know I have a down feeling about it, some memory in the past.”

Bill snorts.

Then, I notice he’s on the phone.

“Ah..I’ll call you back,” he says and hangs up.

Darn. Why didn’t he tell me he was talking to the man?

“You can always do this yourself you know!” Bill snarls.

He gets all irritated and comes back into my house with the phone book.

Jim shouts from the couch, “Who? Dan Donovan!? He ripped me off! He charged me an extra hundred dollars and then left shit everywhere in my place! ”

“Oh,” Bill says as he turns around and goes back into his studio. (more…)

How Embarrassing

Wednesday, September 4th, 2013

The Watermelon In The Compost Pile

Yippee! There’s a volunteer watermelon growing in the compost pile! The fruit is round, it’s big and green and gorgeous.

There’s a family party at my house today on Labor Day and Bill and I can’t wait to show the melon to our large family. We’ve been talking to each other about this lucky melon for days. Won’t people be surprised and envious?!

The family includes my Great Aunt Ruby and three of my 3rd cousins who I don’t know well. We’ll show them how great country living can be! Melons growing like gold in the garbage dump out back!

In fact, everyone will be impressed when we drag all 30 people out to see our prize. And then…and then, we will pick it... and bring it around to the front of the house. Then, with Ceremony we will cut it up and all of us will eat watermelon for Labor Day!

Here’s what really happens:


Toad Fish Soup With Shrimp In Red Pants

Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

The grandkids are here. Both Lexi and Loch are fighting pretty much non-stop. I try and keep them separated.

Loch is ‘cooking’.’ He is cooking with mud, rocks and weeds. He has just asked me if I would like some ‘Yellow Jacket Crunch.’  “Made with real Yellow Jackets,” he tells me, that have drowned in his kiddie pool.

Bill is also served a bowl of Hornet Soup. He pronounces it, “Very good!”

There is no photo  here of ‘Grumpy The Plummer’ who has just been here and gone. Yes, I have plumbing problems.

I load ‘Grumpy’ up with excess peaches and apples  from my trees before he leaves my house.

Here is what the kids and I have been doing this week.

The kids are fighting from the moment I pick them up. As I believe I have already said.

I got almost no sleep last night. The kids were sleeping but I wasn’t.

Today, the kids  announce that all the food I feed them is suspect and they want to know what is in everything I cook for them. I text their mother and tell them this is her fault.

Earlier this morning as we drive up to my brother and sister-in-law’s jewelry store I say, “We’re going to visit your Uncle Art and Aunt MaryEllen.” They say, “Who are they?”

OK, looks like the kids need to visit me more often.

We go and visit the Carnival that is being set up across from the Senior Center. Tomorrow evening , we will go and ride the rides and eat funnel cake and cotton candy. And, maybe throw up later in the night.

We visit my friend at the Art Gallery as we are looking for fertile eggs. They aren’t here but they will be by tomorrow. You have to realize  this is a small town and an artist  brings her excess eggs to an art gallery. These are the best, most orange eggs, laid by chickens that truly run loose and the best thing is the eggs are free!

This morning the kids and I go back to the Pool Supply store. Why? Because yesterday, I bought Loch a small toy boat that runs on the pool water with some kind of radio control.

This boat is a real ‘Key Buy’ as Loch, who was frantic to have it, seems to have no interest in actually running the boat in the pool.

Yesterday, at the pool store, Lexi got a large, blow up dolphin to ride. However, we find our bicycle pump will not pump it up. So, this morning we go back and buy a foot pump from China that does a very desultory job of pumping and while pumping (for a very long time) by foot, Bill says the ‘S’ word a number of times.

My friend Sonja comes over at the end of the day and we have a drink or two. The sun is now thinking of setting and I realize I need to get a blog out.

I apologize to you. This blog is it. I’m going to bed,now, and it is very early. I am going to bed at the same time the kids do.

P.S. Lexi says to tell you she remembers her aunt and uncle! She is also adamant that I talk more about her in my blogs…I am just not allowed to embarrass her. I am not sure how to do that as almost everything I say embarrasses her, now that she is 10.

Good night. I apologize for this less than perfect, poorly put together blog, but Baba is really tired and there are 2 more days to go. xo venus

And PS, I left out the visit today to the metaphysical book store, the Chamber of Commerce and the ride up another mountain outside of town where Lexi and Loch asked me why I was taking them up another mountain. They were afraid we were making another trip to see The Chicken Lady.

They would, however, like to see ‘The Big Rock Candy Mountain’ which is really called Mt. Woodson, and guards the town. Their mother told them that when she was little she found a door into the mountain that leads to all the candy inside. So, now this is a hike that we need to take at some point.

OK, this is it. I really mean it, now. I am going to bed. xo venus

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