Posts Tagged ‘ bill ’

Mother and the Plumber

Friday, September 11th, 2009

I’m sitting outside on the patio under a leafy tree at my favorite coffee shop, talking with Alan.

Alan is an architect who has been helping my brother Jim with his restaurant project. Alan has long gray/blonde hair that hangs in a messy horse’s tail down his back. He flicks the hot ash from his Camel cigarette and says, “When Jim was at my house one day, the water in the kitchen faucet turned on by itself and I said, ‘What the heck?’

“Then,” he continues, “awhile later another faucet downstairs turns on and starts a flood and again I said, ‘What the heck? Are there spirits around here trying to tell us something?'”

Alan pauses and sucks his white Camel like a doobie.

“I thought, ‘Does this mean this whole project with Jim’s new restaurant is big money down the drain?'”

“Hmmm,” I say.

Jim and Alan, after a year of trying to get a loan and borrowing money from friends and family to build a new restaurant, have been denied. The banks tease but they just won’t loan. Jim is caught up in the collapse of the economy. He’s now at home with the cotton blankets pulled over his head, in the musky dark and in despair.

Alan breathes some smoke and I breathe some smokey air.

We are both silent. Because of his illness and the economy, my brother Art may lose his jewelry shop which is right next door to the coffee shop and the coffee shop itself is teetering on the edge of extinction.

When I go home, I tell my ex, Bill, about Jim.

Bill says, “Sometimes I wake up in the night and I wonder who I am. I wonder where I am. Am I back in my childhood or am I forward in time somewhere? Am I on another planet? It takes me awhile to remember who I am and what part of my life I’m in. It’s hard to get re-oriented, but once I do, I’m OK.” (more…)

The Poop Pump

Friday, April 3rd, 2009

Lexi stands in front of my ex boyfriend Bill and me. Her long dark blond braids are looped over her shoulders and onto the front of the pink T-shirt that is soft on the inside. She’s wearing the soft long pants that don’t itch her legs. She is staying with me for two weeks. She is my granddaughter, she is six years old, is in kindergarten and she knows everything.

Every since she was a baby, Lexi has known everything. She reminds us of her vast knowledge with irritating regularity.

We decide to put her to the test.

“What happens to food when you eat it?” we ask.

Lexi takes a big breath and begins. She demonstrates her answer with her hands.

“The food goes down into your bladder. The pee comes out the slit and goes one way. The food goes out another slit and heads toward your butt. There is a poop pump in your lower back that starts pumping and pumps the poop out your butt hole.”

She is totally serious. She tells us she learned this in science class.

When I call her father later and tell him about the Poop Pump and that Lexi learned this in science class he says, “I told Summer we should have put her in private school!”

Bill and I ask Lexi if she is willing to answer more of our questions. Indeed she is. She knows everything and is willing to teach us.

“What makes ear wax, Lexi?”

Lexi thinks for a moment as she trolls the information up from the depths of her great knowledge.

“OK,” she begins earnestly, “Some nose boogers go up your nose instead of down your nose. They go up to the top of your head and than down into your ears where they mix with fluid. That’s ear wax!”

We’re enthralled.

“Next question?” she says.

Bill pulls thoughtfully on his ear lobe and says, “How big is the moon?”

Lexi has the right answer, right away. “The moon is almost as big as the earth and the sun is two feet bigger.”

“Most interesting and astonishing,” I say.

“And,” Lexi says, ” black ants turn into red ants when they eat too much.”

The evening goes like this until Bill and I get tired of Lexi’s great wisdom.  I tell her it’s time for her to go to bed.

She sleeps with me, and as I am pulling up the covers and tucking us in, Lexi brings me up to date on my aging process.

“You’re a little bit old, BaBa. But only a little bit old. You have freckles.”

Oh my gosh, I’m so relieved. Last time she told me the flesh on my arms was swinging.

I can deal with freckles.

She then checks to see if I am wearing underpants under my nightgown as she doesn’t like bare bottoms in bed with her!

I pass the test.

Then The Little Genius kicks me all night.

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VENUS ON XM SATELLITE RADIO MONDAY NIGHT April 6th

Monday, April 6th, 2009.. 7-8 PM Pacific, Venus is live on XM Satellite Radio (Channel 158.) This will be archived at www.rollye.net

It’s a political show! I don’t know what I am doing there but it should be fun. The woman who has the show wants to promote me at the new radio station I will be working from. Isn’t that cool?

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FLOW DREAMING TELE-CLASS for WEALTH, PROSPERITY AND ABUNDANCE

(You get a Wish from Venus and are taken into the Flow by Summer)

April 26th, 2009. See www.flowdreaming.com for testimonials about the class and to sign up for the class with Summer and Venus

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PRIVATE PHONE SESSIONS WITH VENUS

Venus has unique talents. She reads minds and can tell you what the people you know, won’t tell you. For more information on what she does and her rates: www.godisalwayshappy.com

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VENUS IS NOW ON WWW.CONTACTTALKRADIO.COM

Every Tuesday, 1 PM Pacific/ 4PM Eastern. FREE ARCHIVES, POD CASTS, ITUNES. Fewer commercials, so more time with you. Venus does FREE READINGS for callers on the live show.

*One FREE PRIVATE PHONE SESSION with Venus is given away with each show. Make sure you are signed up to have a chance to win. See www.godisalwayshappy.com   Go the the Home Page and click on ‘Free Sessions and More.’

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WINNER OF THE BLOG DRAWING FOR A FREE 15 MINUTE PRIVATE PHONE SESSION WITH VENUS: *Maddy Farnor

Offer valid through April 10, 2009, after that null and void.



Wrong Shoe/Right Hat/Spaghetti Breast

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

“Are you coming up town?”

My ex-boyfriend Bill, the one who lives in my studio apartment, calls me from his work. He’s been at the bank for two hours now and I wonder why he’s asking me if I am coming up town. I’m suspicious and as it turns out, I have a right to be.

“Well,” he continues, “…..I just noticed that I wore two different pairs of shoes to work.”

I’m quiet, soaking in the picture.

“Well, OK, so it happens, ” he says. “I need you to go in my room and find a black shoe with laces. Get the Tom McCan one, I have to match it with the other shoe on my right foot. So, get the left foot, would you?”

I start laughing. And laughing. I snort through the rest of the phone call where I promise to bring him a matching shoe.

I run out to Bill’s place and root around in his shoes. Grabbing the one he wants, I run into my house and find my housekeeper. Isabel doesn’t speak any English but when I pantomime Bills’ trouble and shake the shoe in the air, Isabel gets it. She laughs and laughs as she waves and shakes a blue duster in the air.

On my way up to the bank to salvage Bill’s reputation, I stop to see my mother. I have to tell someone Bill’s hilarious news.

I say, “Guess what Mom! Bill wore two different shoes to work and he didn’t even notice it for two hours!!”

I’m jerking and grinning and giggling and ha ha ha-ing.

Mom looks and me and says thoughtfully, “…..I’ve done that.”

“Oh geez Mom, you would.”

Mom doesn’t see the humor.

“You and Bill are just alike. I don’t know where you two live in your heads.”

I sigh and mumble, “Dang, a good story wasted.”

My mother has recently dropped a heavy load of books on her left foot which has laid her up for days. When my brother in law calls to tell me she’s done this, he shouts, “Do you know what has happened to your mother!!?”

I say, “No. I don’t.”

Ron sounds exasperated and says, ‘I thought not!’ …….and hangs up.

Which leaves me to wonder, ‘what happened to my mother?

I have to call back and have a sister tell me. Ron hadn’t bothered to tell me because once again, Mother hadn’t bothered to mention something of note. She just doesn’t notice things that other people might think are extreme, like strokes and lung cancer, which she has had and which passed by with little comment from her.

Since I’m here at Mom’s we might as well have tea. Mom is in the tea leaf reading ‘biddness’ now. At least, she thinks she is. She is almost 87 years old and has been insisting she needs a job for years now.

A few weeks ago she was asked to read tea leaves at the local Historical Society’s Tea. My sister Barbara helped her pack up her tea pot, leaves and the *tea leaf reading book she wrote, watched her dress in one of her usual odd outfits and drove her to the party.

When I arrived later at the Society, there was Mom, sitting at one of the tables with about six ladies, reading their fortunes in a cup. She was wearing her red velour pants, her blue plastic gardening shoes, a little yellow sweater with spaghetti dried on the breast of it and an old brown jogging jacket. On her head was a magnificent glossy creme colored silk version of a large mixing bowl draped with huge beige flowers, pale netting and pearls.

As I popped into the room, I noticed three tables of women at full attention as Mother was reading one of the guest’s tea cup. The lady appeared to be in her late forties or early fifties, with thick dark hair, full red lips and a giant hatted head full of stuffed spotted birds and colored chiffon.

“Oh…” Mother was saying as she peered intently into the cup, “ummmm…I see a man! He’s a handsome man with dark hair and he has lots of money. I see that you have been going on trips with this man and it’s a very tempestuous, passionate relationship.”

Mother looks up into the woman’s eyes as all the other women gasp delightedly, titter and ‘oh’ and ‘ah.’ The lady in question looks pleased and demure.

Mom stares back into the cup and continues, “yes, he’s very rich and he has a well known position in local  society, and oh my, he’s married!”

The room erupts with startled and happy shrieks and Mother looks pleased. She must be doing a fine job. The guest snatches her cup back and manages a wan smile.

“Let’s read someone else’s cup,” I say as I trot over to Mom.

Everybody wants their cup read. Apparently, Mother has proved herself.

Later, the woman with the married boyfriend asks me if I can bring Mother to read leaves at her next function and someone else from another table tells me she wants my mother to come to her party, too.

Mother is in business. She’s officially in the tea leaf reading business.  Mom tells me later that I am her business agent.

Just what I need. Another job. I can see myself driving an almost 90 year old spaghetti breasted tea leaf reader dressed in gardening shoes and an enormous, flapping, flopping hat, all over the county. Heck, maybe I can get her on Oprah and then I will really have a big job.

*My mother’s book (It’s how to read tea leaves) is “Tea Leaf Tales” by Margaret McWhorter. $10 plus $6.00 Priority Mail.  Mail your request to Margaret at 3601 Main St. Ramona, CA 92065

(You see, I am acting like a business manager, already!)

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TESTIMONIALS from Venus’ Private Phone Sessions:

“Thanks for the time you gave me yesterday. It helped me and has cleared my mind and I feel better and am ready to take the necessary action to move my life.”

Y.N.

“I did what you told me to do and I let go and let GOD…and today I was accepted for an apartment and I move in on Saturday. Thank you!!! For all your positive energy that you sent me, I believe it had a lot to do with me getting a place to live.”

P.V.

(For my phone rates and how I work, please go to my Home Page. www.godisalwayshappy.com)

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FLOW DREAMING TELE-CLASSES WITH VENUS AND SUMMER  April 26th, 2009

Flow Testimonial:

Venus, remember that my wish was to get a new job and get out of debt?

(After the class I got a job!) where I have the chance to make MORE money each year than I used to make at the bank. It will be much less stressful and lots of fun. So…we manifested my wish in less than 1 week and only 3 days after taking the tele-class.

YOU WALK ON WATER!! Thanks from the bottom of my heart!!

Mary Jean

*Next Tele-Class is APRIL 26TH, 2009  For Wealth, Prosperity and Abundance.

To read many more testimonials and sign up for the next class, please go to: www.flowdreaming.com

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THE DEAR VENUS SHOW MOVES TO ANOTHER RADIO STATION

and ***changes time*** to 1:00 PM Pacific/4 PM Eastern:

Starting April 7th, The Dear Venus Show will air live, every TUESDAY at 1:00 PM Pacific/4 PM Eastern. www.contacttalkradio.com

Venus is on EVERY WEEK, with fewer commercials, Free On Air Readings, Free Archived Shows, Pod Casts, ITunes, and a winner is chosen each live show for a free 15 minute private phone session with Venus.

The First Show is April 7th, 2009 at 1:00 PM Pacific/4 PM Eastern. See you there???

*THE SHOW CALL IN NUMBER TO TALK TO VENUS FOR THE US AND CANADA IS 1-877-230-3062. International callers, dial your country’s international code for the USA than dial 425 644 5620.

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*WINNER OF A FREE 15 PHONE SESSION WITH VENUS IS: *catherine verge

Offer is valid through March 30th, 2009. After that, null and void

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