Posts Tagged ‘ gopher feet ’

A Weekend With Jim

Wednesday, June 26th, 2013

We’ll Get To This In A Minute

Here’s The Jim News:

Jim is my brother who has All The Troubles. They follow him around like a cosmic, comic dark cloud. You can read about him in many other places on my blog.

Here is the latest from Jim.

I’m at our sister Polly’s house. Jim is living here at the moment while he is waiting for his life to make sense.

The three of us are sitting on puffy chairs, under a canopy, gazing out at Polly’s raucous flowers and a line of eucalyptus trees.

Jim says, “I just read a newspaper article about a mother and daughter who were arrested for breaking into a government building. Did you see that?”

No, we haven’t read about it.

“Well, the mother and daughter got arrested because they broke into some government building and then they broke into a freezer in there and stole 5,000 gopher feet from the freezer!”

Polly and I are stunned. 5,000 gopher feet?Why would someone want 5,000 gopher feet? We try and think of possible explanations and decide that there must be a bounty on gophers and people get paid to prove they killed them. But, why would the government feel compelled to keep the feet?

Jim has another story to tell. While looking for more permanent work as a chef, he’s cooking at a lovely Old Age Home. He cooks the old ladies gourmet meals.

The ladies in question are an interesting mix. All the way from Hospice care to fully functioning.

He says, “One lady, Julia, followed me all over the place a few days ago. She badgered me all day, making demands about the food and all kinds of things. She is usually pretty quiet and reserved, so I was surprised.

“Well, yesterday she wasn’t following me and nagging at me and I didn’t see her anywhere. I said to someone, “Where’s Julia?”

“Then, I hear all the sirens and up drives an ambulance and a fire truck.

“Now we know where Julia is. She’s dead in her bed and she’s all purple.

“I say, ‘How can this be?! She was so jolly and active the day before!'”

Polly and I remind Jim that Mom was like this before she passed. She was in a coma at home for at least a week with no eating or drinking.

One morning the hospice lady calls me early and says, “Venus! Come on over! Your Mom wants to have breakfast and coffee with you!”

All of us kids rushed to Mom’s house. Mother had coffee with ice cream in it and I made her a full breakfast. Which she ate. She was very talkative and we all laughed and had a hilarious time.

Later, she slipped back into the final good-bye.

Jim now leaves for work, but before the weekend is over, we have another Jim Story.

All of us kids think Jim is almost deaf. We secretly think he may even be getting some dementia. Why else can’t he follow directions and conversations and repeats things? We tell him he must get his hearing checked, that how can he find a good job when he can’t hear?

Polly sends Jim to Cost Co for a hearing test. Jim comes back with surprising news.

“The woman looks into my ears..she was very cute..and says, ‘well, I know why you can’t hear. You have so much wax in your ears that it is all the way out to the edges of your ears and it’s so old, it’s black!’

We are aghast.

“But,”Jim says, “I told her I always clean my ears and she says that’s the problem. That I was always just pushing the wax farther into my ears and causing a total back-up. She told me to put this oil in my ears for a week and after that I will be shocked at everything I am hearing!”

To round off my weekend, I sit with a lady at lunch and watch her pour 2 packets of Saccharin into her glass of wine!

But, the most exciting thing for me this weekend is Albertson’s Grocery stores announcing that they have gotten rid of their Club card!

I totally dislike those cards we all have to get with some grocery stores and pharmacies, etc. We must have the cards, we must use them to get ‘deals’ or the ‘best prices.’ If we don’t have their card we pay lots more money for groceries and product. How dumb is this? Sometimes, I think that We The People should be in charge. Why are some corporations so inept at knowing how to keep customers and making good business decisions?

Oh well. On a brighter subject, like wine….Maybe there is a good reason why that lady puts Saccharin in her wine. Come to think of it, she works for Albertson’s Grocery store!

There must be some crazy connection. But, what is it? I’d like to know what you think. People love to read your comments so I hope you will post one.

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