Posts Tagged ‘ jim ’

Jim and the Cat Butter

Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012

 

Special note: I’ve had a Big Blog Blow-Up this holiday. All my plug-ins and comments etc are in total disarray. I bought ‘Blogging For Dummies’ and am reading as fast as I can. With my meager knowledge and Summer’s help I plan to have my next (real) blog up and to my subscribers by Jan 11th 2012.

 

I will also list the winner of a phone session with me, pulled randomly from the comments that some of you were able to get to me last month. 

 

Thank you for your patience. 

 

In the meantime….to hold you over, here’s just a little something that happened in my life over the holidays.


Would you rather eat after cats or squirrels?

Jim and the Cat Butter

My brother Jim calls at eight p.m. and says he’s coming to see me. He arrives exhausted and with a bag of food from his restaurant tucked under his arm.

He tells me he hasn’t slept for 24 hours.

“Last night I had to paint the door red and it wouldn’t dry so I couldn’t shut it so I had to stay up all night and wait for it. I just couldn’t walk off and let the burglars in my place.”

He’s messing around in the kitchen, getting stuff from my refrigerator for his sandwich.

I’m in my pajamas on the couch, paying attention to the TV.

Jim brings his meal into the living room and settles into a big chair. He eats and finishes his sandwich.

I get up to get a glass of water. On the kitchen counter, I see the butter tub. The lid is off and the tub is empty. Ummmm? (more…)

A DISGUSTING CONVERSATION

Sunday, May 9th, 2010

My brother has just finished telling us about the massive gray polyps in his colon, found with a colonoscopy, polyps that, according to Jim “Had their big heads waving around in there on long skinny stalks.”

My sister Candy, my brother Jim and I are sitting in a booth with our 87 year old mother in a Denny’s Restaurant. We’re having breakfast; a Senior Special, one waffle, eggs and bacon and something that sounds like “Eggs Over Hominy.”

We’ve been ‘enjoying’ Jim’s graphic description of what he had to do to clean his bowel the night before the procedure. I’ll save you from all of it except to say that Jim had to buy his laxative supplies at the drug store and he swears that one of them was called “Move-A-Quick,” or something like that,” and he swears it lived up to it’s name.

My mother, my sister and I start clattering our silverware on the table and making little squeeking noises so Jim abruptly changes course.

“So,” he says, “my daughter told me yesterday that all her friends at school think I’m gay.” (more…)

COLLECTING A LIFE

Friday, September 25th, 2009

A letter comes in the mail. It’s from my daughter Summer and there is a note stuck on the folded letter inside. It says, ‘Mom, Lexi couldn’t sleep last night so she stayed up late, secretly writing this to you. All by herself! It is adorable. XO Summer.’

I unfold the lined paper and read:

“Hi BABA how are you and Bob and Bill. (Bob is the dog and Bill is the Ex-boyfriend. Lexi is my 6 year old granddaughter.)

“I hav sum great plans for October.

“I am going to hav a lot of fun.

“I will hav a lot of fun with you, Bill and Bob of cors. I am gowing to hav a Super dupr jollygood time.

“Here is a poem I made up.’

(Here’s where I get scared. It’s a poem about me, and oh boy, Lexi is always totally honest in her evaluations of people. I have already heard about my hanging flesh and a few other things so I take a deep breath and resolve to take it like a Good Grandmother would. With pleasure, whatever she says.)

‘Yore eyes are brone.

Yore hair is blond.

Yore teeth are wite.

Yore lips are pink.

That was it.’

“See you in October. LoveLexi. (heart, heart, hearts etc)”

Oh my gosh. I breathe relief. What do YOU think that last line could have been? I know what I think and am so glad I don’t stink. Lexi would have told me if I do. (more…)


contact me now to get a reading CONTACT NOW