Posts Tagged ‘ LOCH ’

Toad Fish Soup With Shrimp In Red Pants

Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

The grandkids are here. Both Lexi and Loch are fighting pretty much non-stop. I try and keep them separated.

Loch is ‘cooking’.’ He is cooking with mud, rocks and weeds. He has just asked me if I would like some ‘Yellow Jacket Crunch.’  “Made with real Yellow Jackets,” he tells me, that have drowned in his kiddie pool.

Bill is also served a bowl of Hornet Soup. He pronounces it, “Very good!”

There is no photo  here of ‘Grumpy The Plummer’ who has just been here and gone. Yes, I have plumbing problems.

I load ‘Grumpy’ up with excess peaches and apples  from my trees before he leaves my house.

Here is what the kids and I have been doing this week.

The kids are fighting from the moment I pick them up. As I believe I have already said.

I got almost no sleep last night. The kids were sleeping but I wasn’t.

Today, the kids  announce that all the food I feed them is suspect and they want to know what is in everything I cook for them. I text their mother and tell them this is her fault.

Earlier this morning as we drive up to my brother and sister-in-law’s jewelry store I say, “We’re going to visit your Uncle Art and Aunt MaryEllen.” They say, “Who are they?”

OK, looks like the kids need to visit me more often.

We go and visit the Carnival that is being set up across from the Senior Center. Tomorrow evening , we will go and ride the rides and eat funnel cake and cotton candy. And, maybe throw up later in the night.

We visit my friend at the Art Gallery as we are looking for fertile eggs. They aren’t here but they will be by tomorrow. You have to realize  this is a small town and an artist  brings her excess eggs to an art gallery. These are the best, most orange eggs, laid by chickens that truly run loose and the best thing is the eggs are free!

This morning the kids and I go back to the Pool Supply store. Why? Because yesterday, I bought Loch a small toy boat that runs on the pool water with some kind of radio control.

This boat is a real ‘Key Buy’ as Loch, who was frantic to have it, seems to have no interest in actually running the boat in the pool.

Yesterday, at the pool store, Lexi got a large, blow up dolphin to ride. However, we find our bicycle pump will not pump it up. So, this morning we go back and buy a foot pump from China that does a very desultory job of pumping and while pumping (for a very long time) by foot, Bill says the ‘S’ word a number of times.

My friend Sonja comes over at the end of the day and we have a drink or two. The sun is now thinking of setting and I realize I need to get a blog out.

I apologize to you. This blog is it. I’m going to bed,now, and it is very early. I am going to bed at the same time the kids do.

P.S. Lexi says to tell you she remembers her aunt and uncle! She is also adamant that I talk more about her in my blogs…I am just not allowed to embarrass her. I am not sure how to do that as almost everything I say embarrasses her, now that she is 10.

Good night. I apologize for this less than perfect, poorly put together blog, but Baba is really tired and there are 2 more days to go. xo venus

And PS, I left out the visit today to the metaphysical book store, the Chamber of Commerce and the ride up another mountain outside of town where Lexi and Loch asked me why I was taking them up another mountain. They were afraid we were making another trip to see The Chicken Lady.

They would, however, like to see ‘The Big Rock Candy Mountain’ which is really called Mt. Woodson, and guards the town. Their mother told them that when she was little she found a door into the mountain that leads to all the candy inside. So, now this is a hike that we need to take at some point.

OK, this is it. I really mean it, now. I am going to bed. xo venus

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Chicken Lady & Underwear Man

Wednesday, April 10th, 2013

 

Not Chickens But Close Enough?

“Stop, Baba! Stop! I’m scared! Turn around!”

My grandkids are screaming with terror in the back seat of my car.

Too late to stop. We are climbing straight up the side of a mountain that is mainly enormous shiny boulders. Chicken Lady lives here and we have come to meet her chickens.

Eeeh gads. Even I am nervous. I haven’t expected this.

We reach a small plateau surrounded by more Straight Up. I park the car. This is the place. We all get out and we are leaning forwards so we can stay upright.

There is an old house up the grade aways and behind and beside us and in front of us are long, slung together chicken sheds.

Around us, beside us and in front of us run big goats and baby goats, loose chickens and cats.

An old woman dressed in overalls slides down the mountain towards us.

It’s Chicken Lady!

Loch who is 6, is looking at the ground around his feet which is littered with  small, moist brown balls. The balls are arranged in artistic scattered piles and lines, as far as we can see.

Loch says to Chicken Lady, “What is that stuff?”

Chicken Lady puts down a bucket and  says, “It’s goat poop.”

Loch winces, cries out and tries to dance around and away from it.

Chicken Lady looks at me and says, “Where is he from?”

I say he lives at the Coast and they don’t have goat manure there.

We tilt our heads back and look up. More goats are climbing the rocks and the mountain. I am trying to keep my balance by flailing my arms and moving my feet.

Chicken Lady suggests we meet the chickens. We turn and slide down the hill and kind of roll into one of the vast sheds. The sunlit sheds contain all kinds of chickens that are roaming at will. There’s also a lot of goats in here.

The kids are impressed.

A big, gold goat comes trotting up to Loch, stops and stands in front of him and pees a massive pee.

Loch points and yells, “What’s that!?”

Chicken Lady looks surprised and disgusted at his question.

“It’s a goat peeing,” she says.

Loch screams and backs away, going into a ragged wail of fake crying.

“What’s the matter with you?” Chicken Lady says.

She stares at him and says, “Everything poops and everything pees. Get used to it.”

This is our day at the chicken ‘ranch.’

As we climb into the car to leave, Chicken Lady sidles up to me and asks if I think the kid will ever be normal. I say that I hope so. That I am trying to teach Loch about Real Life Beyond The Cosmopolitan Coast.

We say ‘Good-bye’ and ‘thanks,’ to Chicken Lady. Then we slam our car doors, kick the red car into gear and slide it down the mountain, leaving (I’m sorry to say) Chicken Lady in a great whirl of dust and tiny stones. The kids yell, “Go faster Baba! Go faster!” (more…)

Welcome To Phobia Land

Wednesday, August 22nd, 2012

 

Phobia Flowers That Live In Phobia Land

I live in Phobia Land.

My family is riddled with phobias.

Right now my 6 year old grandson Loch has what his mother calls The Morbid Blood Phobia and he also changes his under pants and his long pants 4-5 times a day. If he gets even a tiny bit of pee on them he becomes frantically unsettled (hysterical) and has to remove his clothes and start over.

Today was Loch’s first day in the first grade. His mother tells me he had a Big Melt Down and Stubborn Fit before she finally got him there.

God knows what will happen when he gets a little pee on his pants at school. At home he whips off his under and top pants and runs around naked until we insist he put some pants on. This will be more then interesting if he shakes off all his pants at school.

Looking into the future, I hear a phone call from the principal. (more…)


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