Posts Tagged ‘ mom ’

Eeeh Gads! Mother Takes Us To Town

Wednesday, July 11th, 2012

“Watch Out For Mother!”
http://www.artmojos.com

Today I am thinking of my childhood mother which is of course the same woman who now sits silently in my house in her fancy box on my glass table.

I am remembering how one day Mom piles all 6 of us little kids into our 1950’s station wagon and we drive to the Cash Grocery Store to shop.

When we are finished, we all scramble back into the car and Mom backs out of the parking spot. But, something unusual happens.

There is a loud ripping, clunking, banging sound as the car lifts off the ground and up into the air, pauses then smacks itself down on the ground, again with a BAM!

As usual, Mother notices nothing. She keeps backing out, turns the nose of the car to the street and ambles it out onto the road.

I’m screaming, ‘Mommy, Mommy, you ran over something big!’ (more…)

The Crepe Hangers

Tuesday, June 26th, 2012

The Crepe Hangers

A couple I know that I secretly call The Crepe Hangers, say to me as we are leaving the coffee shop, “Do you realize the three of us only have ten to fifteen years left to live?”

Not in my book.

A few days ago I’m walking with my daughter and I say something like, “When I get old I’m going to hang spangles out of my nose.”

Summer laughs but not at the spangles. She says, “Mom! ‘When I get old’ is something a forty-year old would say!'”

She laughs and laughs.

Later, a man friend tells me, “We have to pay $1700 to put my 101 year old mother’s ashes in a grave we own! It’s next to her first husband. Plus we have to pay ¬†extra money for other things just because we’re putting her ashes there. In the grave we have owned for years!”

I say, “Just scatter her ashes on top of your dad’s grave and save the money.”

I think he is horrified with what I think is a reasonable idea.

My mother, I tell him, is still in her fancy box on my hall table. My cleaning lady doesn’t know that’s my Mum in there & she is always stacking books & what nots on top of her. (more…)

A DISGUSTING CONVERSATION

Sunday, May 9th, 2010

My brother has just finished telling us about the massive gray polyps in his colon, found with a colonoscopy, polyps that, according to Jim “Had their big heads waving around in there on long skinny stalks.”

My sister Candy, my brother Jim and I are sitting in a booth with our 87 year old mother in a Denny’s Restaurant. We’re having breakfast; a Senior Special, one waffle, eggs and bacon and something that sounds like “Eggs Over Hominy.”

We’ve been ‘enjoying’ Jim’s graphic description of what he had to do to clean his bowel the night before the procedure. I’ll save you from all of it except to say that Jim had to buy his laxative supplies at the drug store and he swears that one of them was called “Move-A-Quick,” or something like that,” and he swears it lived up to it’s name.

My mother, my sister and I start clattering our silverware on the table and making little squeeking noises so Jim abruptly changes course.

“So,” he says, “my daughter told me yesterday that all her friends at school think I’m gay.” (more…)


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