Posts Tagged ‘ mother ’

My Stupid Love Life

Wednesday, April 3rd, 2013

Good Energy Art By Venus http://www.artmojos.com

It’s 6PM, several years ago. I’m cutting flowers in my summer garden. My house phone is ringing and I rush inside the kitchen to answer it. It’s Harry, the fellow my brother has been telling me has a crush on me. I’m breathing hard from the quick run from the yard.

Harry says, “Venus, what time does your mother go to bed?”

“Ah…what?  My mother? What times does my mother go to bed? Eight? Eight-thirty? Why.”

“I’d like to go and see her ,” Harry says, “But, maybe it’s too late in the day.”

My mother is 87 and Harry is maybe 40. He thinks of my mother as his mother.

“Here”, I say, “I’ll give you her care taker’s number. She can tell you if Mom is still up.”

“No, no!” Harry shouts.  “Don’t.”

“OK,” I say. “Goodnight then?”

“Thank you, Venus,” Harry says, “for running inside to answer the phone.”

Later, I laugh myself to sleep. This is one of the more novel excuses a man has used to phone me.

“What time does your mother go to bed?” !!? (more…)

Mother Gets Lucky

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2013

Mother’s Rat Hole Mobile Home

My mother calls my brother in law Dr. Ron, on the phone.

“I think I’m having a stroke,” she says. “Can you come over?”

Dr. Ron flies out his door like he’s being sprayed by a strong water hose.

My mother is in her middle 80’s and Ron considers her his mother.

When he arrives at her crappy mobile home, he practically throws himself through the ratty screen door.

“Margaret!” he yells. “Margaret!”

Ron is spinning around in the front part of the trailer and through the kitchen, making a circle back into the living room.

He looks up and there is Mother bumping along down the hallway toward him. She lurches sideways and hits one wall, rights herself and bangs hard on the opposite wall. Then, whoops, she’s almost down flat on the floor and up, again. Now, she’s on her hands and knees.

(more…)

Old Ladies Sex Lives

Wednesday, January 9th, 2013

Lexi’s Hairdresser Shirley, Both Daydreaming Perhaps?

Shirley is in her 80’s and I have known her for awhile. Today, I’ve taken Lexi to her shop to get a haircut.

‘How are you and the new boyfriend?’ I ask.

I’m remembering when I last saw her, maybe 6 months ago, when she was rhapsodizing over a man she had met on the golf course.

‘Oh, he’s gone!” she says, with a hint of distain.

“I have a new one.’

The former man, she says, was cheap. He made her pay for her own meals and everything else.

“I wasn’t brought up to be that way with a man.”

I’m trying not to gasp but the air gets stuck in my throat. I choke a bit.

Shirley is widowed and has had a number of boyfriends since I have known her in the past year or two.

“This boyfriend,” Shirley is saying, ” has a beautiful 40 ft motor home, lives in alaska part time, and adores me.”

As she washes the suds out of Lexi’s hair, she looks at me and says, “I’m retiring! I’m closing the shop and traveling with this lovely man and my little dog!”

I’m impressed. I haven’t had a boyfriend for years and Shirley, in her 80’s, with all the massive single female competition, always has one.

My Mother also had boyfriends into her very late 80’s. Actually, right up until the time she died.

There was Hoover, a handsome guy my age, a Basque man who lived on a ranch. In her 80’s, he adored my mother and thought her the most beautiful and sexy woman in existence. (more…)


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