Posts Tagged ‘ pee ’

Welcome To Phobia Land

Wednesday, August 22nd, 2012

 

Phobia Flowers That Live In Phobia Land

I live in Phobia Land.

My family is riddled with phobias.

Right now my 6 year old grandson Loch has what his mother calls The Morbid Blood Phobia and he also changes his under pants and his long pants 4-5 times a day. If he gets even a tiny bit of pee on them he becomes frantically unsettled (hysterical) and has to remove his clothes and start over.

Today was Loch’s first day in the first grade. His mother tells me he had a Big Melt Down and Stubborn Fit before she finally got him there.

God knows what will happen when he gets a little pee on his pants at school. At home he whips off his under and top pants and runs around naked until we insist he put some pants on. This will be more then interesting if he shakes off all his pants at school.

Looking into the future, I hear a phone call from the principal. (more…)

A DISGUSTING CONVERSATION

Sunday, May 9th, 2010

My brother has just finished telling us about the massive gray polyps in his colon, found with a colonoscopy, polyps that, according to Jim “Had their big heads waving around in there on long skinny stalks.”

My sister Candy, my brother Jim and I are sitting in a booth with our 87 year old mother in a Denny’s Restaurant. We’re having breakfast; a Senior Special, one waffle, eggs and bacon and something that sounds like “Eggs Over Hominy.”

We’ve been ‘enjoying’ Jim’s graphic description of what he had to do to clean his bowel the night before the procedure. I’ll save you from all of it except to say that Jim had to buy his laxative supplies at the drug store and he swears that one of them was called “Move-A-Quick,” or something like that,” and he swears it lived up to it’s name.

My mother, my sister and I start clattering our silverware on the table and making little squeeking noises so Jim abruptly changes course.

“So,” he says, “my daughter told me yesterday that all her friends at school think I’m gay.” (more…)


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