Posts Tagged ‘ summer ’

A Jaunty Lesson About Sex

Wednesday, October 31st, 2012

Venus Unaware

My daughter, the kids and I go to a Renaissance Faire.

Here’s a highlight.

Summer takes my photo with this Jolly Renaissance Man. Look at it carefully.

My 9 year old granddaughter is looking carefully.

“What’s that?” she asks.

She’s pointing to something I haven’t noticed.

Do you see it?

It’s the man’s jaunty, satin cod piece. That big thing that points up to the big, blue sky.

How would you explain what it is and how and why?

Be prepared with all answers to all possible birds and bee questions that your kids may ask. Even going back to the 15th and 16th centuries. And, if you don’t know what a cod piece is….*I have the information for you. Some day you may need it.

Sex education can never start too early.

*codpiece |?käd?p?s|nouna pouch, esp. a conspicuous and decorative one, attached to a man’s breeches or close-fitting hose to cover the genitals, worn in the 15th and 16th centuries.ORIGIN from earlier cod ‘scrotum’ (from Old English codd‘bag, pod’) + piece.

*Do you know the kind of work I do when I’m not busy having Adventures? Look here for details. It’s a great time to have a phone reading with me!   Visit me at www.GodIsAlwaysHappy.com for rates and availability.


Lexi Gets A Bra

Wednesday, March 21st, 2012

Little Girls http://www.artmojos.com

Lexi is nine.

My daughter Summer tells me, “Lexi has been crying and whining around all week. She wants a bra. All I hear is, ‘I want a bra I want a bra I want a bra I need a bra.'”

I tell her, “No you don’t need a bra. You are nine years old, Lexi, you have nothing to put in it.”

Lexi says, “My friend Elizabeth has a bra. Her mother got her a bra.”

I say, “She got a bra because her older sister got one and she needs a bra. You don’t need one.”

Lexi pouts and pouts and cries and insists she has to have a bra and I keep saying, “Why do you need a bra so badly? You are only nine.”

The truth comes out. Lexi says, “Because I told Elizabeth I have a bra! I’ve been  wearing my swim top to school all week under my clothes so she will think I have a bra! It’s scratching my skin, Momma.”

Summer finally gives in. She tells Lexi she will go to Target and look for a bra but that there won’t be any bras for nine year old kids. (more…)

Felt Like Pooping Lately?

Tuesday, January 24th, 2012

http://www.artmojos.com

 

This is not a story about fish. It’s more about toilets, but we will get to that.

One day my daughter Summer and I take the kids to an Asian Market.

It’s true that the kids are overwhelmed by the fish.

Loch, who is five, is fascinated by all the rows of multi-colored dead fish on ice. He is exuberant about the live blue crabs which keep waving their legs in the air while trying to crawl out of their tub. Most of all he is mesmerized by the live lobsters and various swimming fish in tanks, waiting to be plucked for someone’s dinner.

Nine-year-old Lexi is impressed by all the severed fish heads with their frantic bulging eyes and festive teeth, while in another long case I am disconcerted by by all the animal parts. Tripe, brains, knuckles, tongues, stomachs, spleens and splintered bones are laid out in haphazard ways.

I gulp and feel suddenly intrigued by vegetarianism. The animal parts strewn about have made me, a Primitive Meat Eater, go kind of glinzty.

Aside from the fish and the bloody animal piles, there is lots of other stuff, foreign to our American eyes.

Row by row with our rolling cart, we all wander and look at unusual products.

I  toss fish powders and some seaweed soup mixes into the basket.

We get a few fresh but unknown vegetables that we won’t know what to do with when we get home with them.

The store is dirty.

The kids are excited and curious as we wind our way up and down the aisles between fire crackers and bags of various dried mushrooms and jars of fish paste.

Loch suddenly yells, “Why does everyone here have brown skin and we have white skin!?”

Then he begins (and won’t stop singing) Hanuaka songs in a loud voice…and we are not Jewish.

The store is dirty and packed with people and suddenly I have to pee. (more…)


contact me now to get a reading CONTACT NOW