Posts Tagged ‘ Vodka ’

Mother Gets Lucky

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2013

Mother’s Rat Hole Mobile Home

My mother calls my brother in law Dr. Ron, on the phone.

“I think I’m having a stroke,” she says. “Can you come over?”

Dr. Ron flies out his door like he’s being sprayed by a strong water hose.

My mother is in her middle 80’s and Ron considers her his mother.

When he arrives at her crappy mobile home, he practically throws himself through the ratty screen door.

“Margaret!” he yells. “Margaret!”

Ron is spinning around in the front part of the trailer and through the kitchen, making a circle back into the living room.

He looks up and there is Mother bumping along down the hallway toward him. She lurches sideways and hits one wall, rights herself and bangs hard on the opposite wall. Then, whoops, she’s almost down flat on the floor and up, again. Now, she’s on her hands and knees.

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The Big Rock Phobia Mountain

Tuesday, June 12th, 2012

Big Rock Phobia Mountain

“So there I was,” says Joan, “way up in the sky, flat on my stomach, hugging the boulder and screaming ‘NO!'”

We are having tea at my house. Joan is my friend and also the most successful Realtor in town.

We’re discussing phobias, and she says she can beat mine.

Which I doubt.

But, when you deal with lots of raw land like Joan does here in my town, you get some big adventures.

I pour some more hot tea into our cups.

“OK,” Joan says, “it was a beautiful day and I had to take an engineer out to walk a big ranch. He had to measure things. It was going to take a lot of climbing and walking and I was prepared. I do this all the time.

“We drove out there in the man’s jeep, hopped out and started walking. It’s a big ranch with lots of boulders, snakes, and oak trees.

“Off in the distance we see a tall…very tall…long hill covered with boulders. The engineer man says, ‘We need to go up to the top there. I need to measure and stick a flag up.’

“He says, ‘Are you up for this?’ and I say, ‘Hell, yes. I do this all the time.’

“So Venus,” Joan says, “we started climbing that big thing, winding our way along side the huge rocks, the poison oak, the rabbits…well, you know how it is, you used to sell real estate here in town.”

“More tea?” I ask.

Joan declines.

“So, we get to the top of that mountain. Let’s call it a mountain because hell, it was one. ¬†The man grabs a chunk of the biggest boulder there and shimmies up it like it’s greased. He stands up on the top of that thing and ¬†shouts, ‘Come on up here, I need you to hold some equipment for me.'”

“No problem,” I say.

“I clamber up that enormous boulder and reach the top. I stand up straight and then I remember something important. (more…)


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