Here’s the latest ‘News.’
I have finally gotten back to taking my walk every morning.
I hadn’t been walking for maybe five weeks because my two year old grandson gave me some ridiculous cold flu thing the last time I baby sat the kids. The kids got well immediately but it knocked all the pins and pilings out from under me.
The very day I go out walking again, I find a black, abandoned kitten crying and crying and crying in a field. I scoop it up and run home with it. I am thinking, ‘Oh what the hey, what is one more cat, I have so many feral cats that I get fixed and take care of, already.’
Then, it strikes me. ‘This is my mother’s cat!’
True, Mom has Sassy, who as you may know, is a Mean Cat Who Doesn’t Snuggle. However, in our family, if we have an animal, they stay with us for life, even if they are bad tempered, immoral or boring. Just like any family member, no matter what their character, we do not toss them out.
But, I know Mom would really like a loving cat, and I find as the day wears on that this little black cat is a really, really loving cat!
I think I will surprise her with it! Which means, if I just show up with the kitten Mom won’t say ‘No.’
Later I take the kitten to my mother’s house.
Mother adores the kitten. The kitten adores mother, and mother’s dog, Becky adores the kitten and the kitten even tries to make friends with Sassy The Mean Cat
Later, I run up town and get the kitten a collar, a name tag, some fun toys and food.
When I come into Mom’s house I find Mom in her big blue recliner with a glass of ice tea in her hand. The kitten is in her lap.
I say, “Hey Mom, how are you and the kitten doing?”
Mom says, “Oh. I couldn’t find her in the house awhile ago, and what do you know, I finally found her on the Sludgebunder.”
I say, “What?”
Mom says, “Oh, you know…the Sludgebunder.”
“Mom. What’s a Sludgebunder?”
Mom says, “Oh, you know….you know what I mean.”
“Nope, I sure don’t know, Mom.”
Mother is struggling for the right word. She knows it isn’t Sludgebunder, but by golly, she can’t find the right word and I just can’t help her with this one.
She keeps waving and pointing to something. I look. Oh. That’s a Sludgebunder?
Mom says, “Oh, you know…the TREADMILL!”
I’m now at my house, packing up to spend two weeks with the grand kids while Summer and her husband are in Australia, working and vacationing.
I’m pretty darn nervous about two weeks with the kids.
Summer emails me to say that Loch, the two year old, “has diarrhea like water, isn’t eating and has a headache.”
Oh my god, that’s what I will catch next? Sudden diarrhea like water? I run into the kitchen and take some vitamins.
Later, she emails me that Loch started screaming and screaming today for 45 mintues and clutching his appendix. She called her husband and said ‘Come home, I’m calling 911.’
Then, she rushed Loch to emergency where the doctor said he had gas.
Summer says, “He’s acting fine, except for that hour when I thought he was a Gonner.”
Now, I am even more nervous!
While I am typing my notes to you, an email comes in from my sister, Polly.
Earlier, our sister Candy has sent the whole family and a pile of friends, email pictures of the latest member of our family, Carson, who is her new grandson, and is one week old. He looks like he will be A Charmer.
Polly’s email, addressed to all of us, says, “I got the picture of Carson. Beautiful. But, I got a lot more. Did anyone else get the vibrator ad with it or the one that says if you don’t so something (I forget what) I’ll pee on your shoes? Love, Polly.”
I laugh hysterically. Dang. I didn’t get that! So far, from all the emails coming in, no one else did either, and they are all disappointed.
I am going to take a hot bath now. It’s my last night as a Free Woman With No Cares. Please think good thoughts for me and the grandkids and Mom and the Sludgebunder and Polly with the person who wants to pee on her shoes.
(And, I didn’t even tell you about my visit to the dentist today where he shot me three times and pounded a tooth almost sideways.)
Luckily, a friend just sent me the following and I laughed so hard I had to re-listen to it three times. I feel so jolly now, that I may not even be able to sleep tonight.
WINNER OF THE RANDOM DRAWING FOR A FREE 15 MINUTE PHONE SESSION WITH VENUS: *Nadine Henderson.*
Offer good through Aug.7th, 2008. After that null and void.