3 Women’s Stories
“We Have A Child, He’s Moved Out, Has Girlfriends But Keeps Coming Back To Me.”
“It’s been years Venus, with this back and forth. Last night in bed I asked him what it is we are actually doing. He said he doesn’t want to be with me that his heart isn’t in it. He always says this, but I don’t believe him. Is he telling the truth? And how can I permanently let him go?
I know he’s trolling around some dating website. But why is he still messing with me? I really do want to let him go. But why the hell does he keep coming back? Any insight you can give me would be appreciated.”
Venus: It’s not why does he keep coming back. That is immaterial. The question is why do you keep falling into the net? Why do you keep letting yourself suffer when you know how it always goes? Yes, I can look into him and see how he feels but you know it’s always the same. Sometimes he wants you and sometimes he doesn’t.
In my own life with Romance I eventually found, after a lot of pain, that it doesn’t matter why someone continually causes you to suffer; it’s enough that they do. I learned to accept the mystery of ‘why’ and cut the person out of my life.
Let’s set up another session and we will see if we can wrestle this down for you once and for all. I use a technique taught to me that works. It’s called Un-Merging*. I often use it in sessions with people who can’t have a good relationship with, or loosen up a difficult relationship with, a lover, friend or relative. With your true desire to change, it can release you from the tie that binds too tightly.
“After 40 Years I Still Haven’t Had Closure with My Ex-Fiancé!”
“Rich and I were in love with each other from the beginning. We were 18 years old and made plans to marry as soon as my divorce from my first husband. I hesitated when Rich officially asked me to marry him. He then freaked, told me he was confused, needed time to think and he thought we should stop seeing each other for awhile.
I waited for him to come back. After a week I called, but his mother said he didn’t want to talk to me. Every time I called after that, he refused to speak with me. When I saw him at work, he avoided me.
After 4 months, he still hadn’t called or made an attempt to contact me and I saw him with another woman. I decided that the only option I had was to get married again, even though I was still in love with my ex-fiancé.
3 months after I married my 2nd husband Rich told me that he would always love me.
4 years later, he told me he couldn’t stop thinking about me, he couldn’t live without me, he had to marry me and he begged me to leave my 2nd husband to marry him. Because my 2nd marriage had been one of convenience, I divorced my 2nd husband.
This time I waited for him for two years, and after not having heard from him again, I tracked him down and asked if we were going to get back together. He told me he’d married someone else two weeks before I called.
Six months later he wrote me, saying he would always love me, even though he’d married someone else.
About 20 years ago I wrote him a letter. He called and told me he was happily married to yet another woman.
I have not been able to get over this man. I don’t know how to let go. It’s been 40 years!
I have done everything I can to let go, but I can’t. I’ve tried to move on with other men but my heart isn’t in it. After my last relationship ended 10 years ago, I stopped dating. I just don’t want to. I’ve tried, but I don’t feel any attraction for anyone other than Rich. At this point in my life (I’m 58), he is definitely the Love of My Life. I’ve tried hypnosis over the years – from 6 different practitioners – but no one can hypnotize me. Nothing seems to work.
Venus: You’re obsessing. You have made Obsessing Over A Man your life’s work. At the end of your life, what will you say, ‘Oh gee, looks like I’ve spent my whole life emotionally attached to a fairy tale of a fellow who has obvious issues…I didn’t live my own life, at all. I gave my life up for his whims…if I only could go back in time!’ Margie, I believe you can let go of this man. You have to become so utterly tired of dragging your rusty chains and the repetitive drama, that you will look at your entire love life very carefully. Then decide from your gut and your heart that you are done-done-done. “
“I Keep Waiting For His Work To Slow Down So We Can Have A Relationship, Again”
“I have a man friend who took me to dinner. We had a very nice time. We continued to go out and email each other. Then he emailed and asked if I would I consider being his partner. I said we should take it slow and see what happens. We had many other dates and they were very nice. The relationship was a pleasant thing for a year and a half but there were certain things I didn’t like about it so I broke it off. But, still he pursued me and I saw definite changes and ended up really falling in love with him. About two months ago he went full time at his job. He also works another job and is working on his boss’s house. He is 10 years younger than me.
After he pursued me and I fell in love with him he doesn’t have time for me. This has taken a toll on me and my life is a wreak. I cry all the time. He may e-mail me once in a while to tell me he is home for the night and I go over because it may be a very long time before he is free again. I e-mail him nice little things each day to tell him to have a good day, or a little quote I liked on line. He doesn’t e-mail me back because he is so busy, although he tells me he likes the e-mails. I don’t know what to do, Venus. You are a very wise woman, do you have any suggestions? Should I wait? I am open to anything.” Mary
Venus: For starters, stop emailing him, Mary! Drop outta’ site girl..if he asks why, be mysterious about it. Give him the cool shoulder. Stop going to his house when he calls for sex. If a man wants a woman, trust me.. he fits her into his life. When he doesn’t, he makes an excuse.
All of you ladies are wasting your lives with this suffering. You must stop.
I’m telling all of you these men have made it clear they are either not mature enough for a good relationship, have some dangling head screws and/or are playing games with you.
Either way, they all need good kicks in the bum. And, so do you.
You have made Obsessing Over A Man your life’s work. At the end of your life, like Margie, what will you say, “Oh gee, looks like I’ve spent my whole life emotionally attached to a fairytale…I didn’t live my own life, at all. I gave it all up for a fellow…if I only could go back in time!”
Many people with troubles don’t realize they simply like the drama; Drama is their life. It’s a habit. An addiction. It’s the way we keep ourselves amused through life. How boring to have a happy relationship with no intrigue, no constant ups and downs with our emotions always being squeezed and juiced out of us. This emotionally careening movie we’ve written and are living makes us feel Alive!
With all these men, (and anyone) I can look into the person and telepathically read them for you. I can tell you what they’re thinking and feeling. I can put thoughts into their heads about how nice you are and how wonderful. I can detail the situations for you, the whys and hows and what’s really going on. I can send Good Mojo Energy to you to help clear out messes and stuck energies. And, I’m glad to do this. With many of my clients my work sets their minds at rest to know the facts and the truth. Once they see and understand why they are suffering, they can let go and move on and not repeat the same dreary stories in their lives. Karyn Fankhouser you have won a free reading with venus.
But, to obsess constantly and even life long over a person like these ladies are doing is more like an ‘illness.’ It’s an obsession, like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder-OCD. You have to make a determined effort to see your suffering, want to stop the searing pain and then cut the situation off with a mental machete.
I work with people who have these and other problems.
But, I have to ask you, “Why would you want a man or a woman who treats you like this?? Where did you lose your self-respect and your power? Where is your courage and your independence? Why do you want someone like this feeding off you, sipping and gulping and draining the energy from your life? It’s time for you to see yourselves clearly and make some big decisions, my friends. You are in charge of your life…or you aren’t.
How is it I feel qualified to give advice?
I used to live that obsessive kind of life, myself! You can read the first part of my book for Free: “Certain Men: How To Un-Need Them, Un-love Them And Replace Them With a Good Guy.” Look for Books (on my website) This refers to Certain Women, too. Available as an e-book on Amazon.com
A Reader Of “Certain Men” Says:
“My weekend was wonderful. I did it all my way. It was another example showing me that I could have missed all the fun and laughs if I had been pining away for another elusive man!
More people should read your Certain Men book. Look how enriched, happy and fun my life has become since I read it. A woman friend used to spend her entire Sunday doing laundry because her boyfriend spent his Sundays working out, cycling, running, etc. Every Sunday, all day, every week. After reading your book she keeps saying she now doesn’t know where she would find time to date. She has so much good going on in her life. Her Sundays are full. She is taking guitar lessons and golf lessons, going out with the Girls and as her mom says: ‘My formerly distraught, obsessed daughter is thriving!'” Klara
And remember, as my ex-boyfriend Bill often says: “Men are highly overrated by women.”
Next Juicy News Aug 2014: “The Woman Who Escaped!”