sobbing and whining “Why, why, why?”With rest and good nutrition my ‘bad’ ankle is feeling better. Today, I am finally feeling that I can take a walk down the road to look at the black walnut trees that line it. The nuts are ripe and the big, scruffy crows are wondering why I haven’t been down for awhile to gather and toss the walnuts into the street. The crows wait for the cars to come by and squash the shells, leaving mashed nuts for them to eat.
A few minutes ago, as I started my happy walk, before I have landed on the pavement, here’s a tiny pebble on the asphalt road but I don’t see it. The sole of my right shoe hits it, my foot rolls over, I hear a snap and I hit the pavement hard, bam! I’m on my left side flat out. This has all taken a second, if that. My jeans are ripped, my elbow hurts and is bleeding along with my palm, knee and left ankle. But my right ankle is screaming with pain.
“Oh noooo,” I’m wailing. “That was my good ankle! Why my good ankle? Why, why, why?”
I lie in the street and sob.
I try and roll over. It hurts too much.
There are some tiny rocks up my nose and others stick to my cheek. I am in shock. I am in shock because of the sudden hard fall and because this is my only good ankle. The left was severely broken years ago and that entire foot is in a sense, ruined. There is bone on bone with severe degenerative arthritis and I have not been able to take my daily walks for almost a year.
Now, I may have broken my good ankle. Why? Why do these things happen?
No cars come by which is a blessing. What would someone do for me? Rush on by or stop and bodily roll me out of the road?
I am on my own.
Trembling and still crying because I want to cry, I roll myself over and onto my knees. Eventually I am shakily up on all fours and then I am standing. Swaying but standing. As I limp and drag and inch myself up the lane that is thankfully close to home, I keep whining and begging the Universe, “But Whhhhhy? But, whhhy? I was doing so well! I was so happy! I was just going to take a tiny walk!”
“And this,” I think, “is only a day after a severe bout of food poisoning. It’s just too much.”
Later, I speak with a friend on the phone while she works to convince me that my foot issues are from my bad karma in another life. I try to be polite but I gag on that one. The Beings have told me that we are all God having experiences and that there is no bad or good karma…everything just IS.
But why would I as God want to have this ongoing and supposedly stupid experience with the feet?
All day I flay myself with ‘Why, why, why” why do difficult and ridiculous and physically and emotionally painful things happen to people, especially (I think) when in my case I have been working so hard to get myself moving, again.
I come up with no logical answers.
By dusk I am exhausted from asking.
Later, with ice on my ankle, sitting under the lamp light in my red leather chair, I think back to my life with ‘men.’ I remember how when I was suffering with a boyfriend I would try over and over to figure out and understand what was wrong that was causing my pain. ‘Was he unfaithful? Did he still love me? Was something going on that I didn’t know about?’
Finally, after years of this exhaustive questioning and miserable romances I realized it did not matter what it was that was happening that I didn’t know about, or understand. It was enough to know that something wasn’t right. If it felt wrong it was… and if it couldn’t be fixed quickly, I was gone.
Now, at the end of the Why, Why Why Day I realize the question and the answer doesn’t just pertain to romances. I finally know there doesn’t have to be an answer to everything. Or anything. Things just ‘are.’ Life just ‘is.’ Things can just be things that happen.
Sudden, shocking, unexpected, heartbreaking and painful events can happen at any time to any of us.
But, I realize now, with a giddy start, if this kind of ‘dreadful’ thing can happen so suddenly, then, of course…. it is just as possible to have a sudden, shocking, unexpected and ‘wonderful’ event occur in my and our lives!
How cool is that?
Later, a friend sends me this note:
“My boss came in today and she was wearing a beautiful engagement ring. She’s never been married and is almost fifty.
“She hasn’t had a boyfriend for over 10 years and she thought she would never marry. Out of the blue a guy appears at work and starts courting her.
“He’s a real man, nice steady and kind. He treats her with such respect. He came from out of nowhere. He proposed this weekend. “
“So,” my friend adds, ”you never know.”
Later in bed, exhausted, I notice that my ankle while hurting, appears not to be broken.
But now, I think, no matter the ankle outcome, I am still looking forward to my unexpected and sudden good fortune, whatever it may be!
I wonder too, what will your good fortune be? You too, deserve a sudden, shocking Good Something. You’ve earned it. You’ve paid your dues like we all have. It’s now your turn for a Good One!
Why? Just because you’re due.
That’s Why.
Tags: disappointment, emotionally painful, food poisoning, The Beings
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Love it! Thanks for sharing!
Dear Venus, I am so sorry about your ankle. Coincidently I’d read about your other ankle some time back at the same time I was going through heck with mine–same thing, horrible break, surgeon said “the worst I’ve ever seen,” etc. etc. Three surgeries later and finishing up a round of home infusion therapy for a bone infection, I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Anyway, I am glad you don’t have anything so bad this time…
So, you really think God gives us the really, really bad stuff so we’ll REALLY love the really, really good stuff, maybe? If so, I’m READY for the good stuff! Smiling, here. Hoping some really good stuff comes your way soon!
Thank you for sharing, Venus!
Seems I have been hearing about accidents this year, and having some of them myself – why? Who knows, like you say! I usually try to figure things out and sometimes even come up with a reason – not that it matters, though, as you so wisely said! Better to just accept! I like the no karma thing, too the Beings mentioned. Maybe your higher self just wanted to ‘shake things up for you’ ? (and for me, too) Maybe to get the ball rolling and start asking for good things in our lives, as opposed to not asking for anything? Seems like a good ‘why’ to me!
What a blessing you are to us all Venus!
Your happy upbeat personality has always put a smile on my face in the past, and you have a knack for bringing humour to the everyday events of our lives.
And even despite personal health problems, you can still look forward with hopeful optimism. You are a wonderful inspiration and role model.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Many blessings and good fortune, always
Sorry to hear about your ankle, Venus. I can so relate to this with all the physical things that have happened to me. Sometimes things just happen. Who is to know “why”? It is how we deal with these things that I find to be the important part. Make lemons out of lemonade sort of thing or maybe mind over matter would be more to the point. “I fell down the stairs yesterday but I refuse to let my injured body keep me from doing my holiday tradition” type mentality. Here’s to you Venus and your ankle – wishing you the best.
I am so glad your blog is back. I am also grateful to listen to another human go through a lament of “The
Whys?” i too go down that wormhole and among the pop up flash cards in my mind there is always one that says..”some things you cannot know..things happen in Gods time and part of life is not knowing what the *&^&% god has in miind. perhaps one day in one of those marvelous hindsight moments you will come to understand that without those ankle misshaps…”X” would never of happened to your life. That has sometimes been the case with me. I do not mean to sound pithy. Forgive me if I do.
I just know finding you on Hay house years ago was a rainbow gift and I am glad your alive to talk with us about anything.
Venus, so many of us can relate to this! If it’s not an injury, it’s money or relationships or so many other things that we “why” about. If we create our own reality then I guess these things are happening “for us” rather than “to us” and each experience can bring us greater clarity about what it is we do want. rather than what we don’t want.
I’m sooo ready to co-create a beautiful life without struggle and have been doing lots of work this year to clear out where I have beliefs lurking that life is a struggle. May 2012 bring us a beautiful avalanche of ease and joy in all areas of our lives.
(I love that you’re back here and writing from your heart)
Hi Kate, yes I am finally back. 2011 was a hard year for a lot of us xo venus
Thanks for sticking with me since HayHouse, Tina..xo venus
Betty, I think my ankle is getting better! I have a radio show jan 3rd 2012 about what I am doing to strengthen my bones, ligaments, tendons…it will be archived, too. http://www.contacttalkradio.com ‘the dear venus show’ xo
Hi Irene, I try to see the humor in all things but sometimes it is well hidden! xo
Hi Despi, thanks for reading! xo
Wow, you really got smacked with that ankle…re the good things…just the way the world works..the yin and the yang xo
Percilla, thanks for reading! xo